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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=Kszan;4140970]You just said you're not happy about this idea. That's how I know it won't work. If something doesn't feel right to you then you shouldn't do it.

Ok look, do whatever you want. But don't be surprised if things turn out the way I said they would. Your biggest problem is that you're going into it with concern already. What if she meets someone better? What if you do? What then? I can understand her wanting to have other experiences with other guys at her age, that's what people are supposed toi do in their 20s. But you shouldn't place the expectation of getting back together on this. Break it off and live your lives. If you both come to the conclusion mutually that you want to be together again then try it. But be prepared that one of you may have found someone else that is more suited.

At your age is when people do the most changing and evolving. That's the time when people discover who they are and what they want out of life. You're both going to be changing during this time. And you're not giving each other enough time to really experience life. Don't do this half-assed. Do this for real and give each other time ans space to grow and evolve. And if you are both still interested in being together then try it. But it's going to mean giving each other more time than just 5 or 6 months. Look, if you're meant to be together then you will find a way back to each other. If not then you'll figure it out.[/QUOTE]

I wasn't happy about the idea of being "just" friends with her the first time around, but it "worked" in the sense that after longing to be together with her for 2 years, I eventually won her over and we got back together for what has now been another 2 years.

Just because I don't view this as my IDEAL scenario does not mean it can't "work".

The fact is, right now there is no scenario I would feel "happy about" other than just not wanting be be with anyone sexually other than me right away. I'm trying to find the best solution given that my ideal scenario is not in play right now. My plan is to get back to the 'ideal scenario'.

Yes, people change at our age, but there's also nothing wrong with knowing that you are truly in love with someone and that they are the right person for you. I not only feel this way about her, but she feels this way about me. So now, just because she says she wants to experiment her sexuality, means we should just give up THIS type of a relationship?

21 may be very young, but we are both old enough to feel that we want to marry each other some day. And I am not just going to throw that away because she wants to try sex with more than 1 guy in her life.

Perhaps we met TOO EARLY in life in some ways. If you're going to start dating the person you're going to marry when you're 15 years old, you can't expect there to not be many ups and downs. But at the same time, if we feel in our hearts we're right for each other, I'm not going to just throw that away.

And despite everything you say, the fact is that I believe we'll have a better chance of ending up together with this arrangement as opposed to breaking off relations entirely. I don't believe in destiny, and all that "If we're TRULY meant to be together we'll be together in the end anyway... blah blah blah" stuff. I want to maximize my chances of being with her in the end, and I believe this is the way to go.
I do see your point, in that this isn't exactly a desirable situation, but what else are you to do - break up with her and guarantee being broken-hearted, or at least give it a shot under the parameters she's allowing you.

I can understand that. I guess I am biased, because I had a MISERABLE time when I was in an "open relationship" that was really more one-sided than a mutually satisfying agreement. Then again, we started out like that, we didn't have years of history, so it is different.

I guess my overall point to you has not been to break up with her or "this is never going to work," just trying to prepare you for the truth of what might happen, and what might happen is that she may fall for someone else if she sleeps with someone else, or you might just be in totally different places in four months. It just seems like you're pretty positive that even if you guys both sleep with other people, that you will become exclusive again with only minor jealousy. I have experienced SUCH broken-heartedness before because I just assumed that my boyfriend and I would end up together and he would never find someone that he liked more than me, after two years of being super close. Then he went on vacation, met someone else, and dumped me within a week of telling me I was the love of his life. Breaking up hurt, but it was more the SHOCK of it and the false hopes that made me really miserable and unable to let go. So my point is that I think if you're aware of the very real possibilities that it might not go as smoothly as you think and you really might not automatically become exclusive again, you might be saving yourself a particularly awful heartache. I do understand why she doesn't want to only be with one person sexually her entire life. I worry that I will have to go through a similar process with my current bf, as I have had many serious relationships, whereas I'm his first. Maybe your love really is unique and you will get married to her, I think I would just take a hope-for-the-best, prepare-for-the-worst kind of stance, until you're back in an exclusive relationship.





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