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I am having a problem and I don't exactly know how to deal with it. The questions I have are in regards to my mother (Child's grandmother) getting to see our 10 month old little girl. My wife and I have been married for a little over a year, and we had our first child in January of this year.

Background on Mom:

It's hard for you to understand the jist of the story unless I lay some facts down first. My mom and dad were divorced wen I was 3 years old. My mother has been an addict since about 1995 (I was 12 at the time), when our house burned down. After the house burned I went to live with dad. I spent from then on with my father. My mom went into a downward spiral which started with drinking and eventually was replaced with crack cocaine use along with heavy depression. I am sure she has interacted with methamphetamine too, but I haven't seen that with my own eyes.

My father passed in April of 2003, a month before I graduated high school. My grandmother on his side is all I have of his parents. Mom's parents (my other grandparents) live in Kentucky and are very wealthy. We never hear from them much because they won't have much to do with mom because of her addiction problems. As far as imediate family I have her and my father's mother living here near me. I am an only child.

My mother has been in and out of prison for the last couple of years, rehab, living in different places; we would hear from her like once a week. To cut to the chase, she doesn't live the kind of life that she should, and she is not a very good role model.

Our child has not seen my mother (her grandmother) much, mostly because mom isn't always around, and here lately because my wife has expressed concerns of the safety of her even touching her. My wife's parents are good people and very good grandparents. They, along with my wife's sister, are really the only people we trust to babysit.

My wife started expressing concerns a few months ago, and I have stepped back and respected her opinion. However, my mother does not understand why she isn't getting to see her grandchild. I feel bad for my mom, and I feel bad about the whole situation. My wife is afraid that my mom may have a disease or something or her clothes may be contaminted from any number of things, and just doesn't want the baby around her. While I completely understand this, I can't help but be overwhelmed with my own feelings. Does what I want count? I'm a parent too, right?

Today we had a little spat. As everyone knows, Christmas is coming up really soon. My mom has found a way to come up with some clothes (I'm guessing she got them at a yard sale or something) and she makes things by sewing and crocheting. She has a little Christmas bundle she wants to bring over for our daughter. She has no car, and her ride keeps canceling, so we are expecting to see her as soon as she can get a ride over to our house. I was thinking about this today as I was telling my wife that her ride had cancelled again, and I thought to myself "I wonder what mom is doing on Christmas.."

My wife asked what I was thinking about, and I told her. I told her it might be a neat idea for me to go and get mom and bring her to the house. Let her spend Christmas with us, because surely she isn't doing anything. I know this for a fact, and she would like nothing better to be there with us. We are the only family she has.

My wife got mad and immediately shot the idea down. It kind of hurt my feelings. I just don't know what to say to my wife or how to handle this type of situation. I know that I should have a say-so too, but I just don't know how to express that to my wife and make her understand that she is going to have to make some sacrifices too.

What advice can you all give me on this issue? Thanks for the replies.

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