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Well, I have to answer some questions here in order to fully explain the situation a bit more I think...

Her previous experiences were with a man she was in love with. Thats one of the reasons I feel as though she doesnt want the memories of it "messed with". Those experiences were not the reason or a controbuting factor to why they are no longer together as well, so its not a case of her now being "gun-shy". I dont believe either that it is a case of her not wanting to share me.. .she loved the last guy and had no problem sharing him.

As for her reflections on those experiences, I had asked her about them generally. She did not go on and an about them until I asked. Unfortunately for me, I did not expect her to characterize them as the greatest sexual experience of her life. Needless to say I was horribly hurt by that. And yes, I was cut to the bone and left feeling like chopped liver. Stupid me for asking I guess.

Another thing is this: I want the experience for myself as well as for her, but I only want it if it is shared with her. I'm not interested if she's not there with me. When we used to discuss it (key word - USED to - I droppped it and havent mentioned it in a while) she was excited about it. But, when it got right down to it she always shyed away or found a reason to not carry through.

So, because of all these things, it has become the "400 pound gorilla in the room" for me... I have a lot of questions, I am hurt and confused, but I cant talk to her about it because I dont want to run the risk of ruining our relationship and I am not certain what the truth is behind it all.. I want blunt honesty about the subject but I am not sure I will ever get it... which is having other ramifications for me in my relationship... if I'm not sure I will get honesty here, where else won't I get it? A dangerous slippery slope to be sure when you start thinking that way...

Ironically, in this situation, it is not engaging in a threesome that has left me with problems (as many posts point to as a danger point), it is actually NOT engaging in one...

Thats why I posted here - how much more confused can I get over the issue than that?





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