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It's Complicated
Dec 22, 2009
My ex-boyfriend and I had been together since senior year of high school and we have gone to the same college together for undergraduate and are now in the fourth year of college (he is graduating next semester and I have 2 more years at the same college due to graduate school). He was my first love, and he has had some other girlfriends before me but this has been his longest relationship. We decided to live together in our third year of college in a two-bedroom apartment and continued during this year until the lease ends in May.

Well in July we broke up (after we had signed the lease until May) and had been in a relationship for over three and a half years. We broke up due to a number of reasons including compatibility, and my busy school schedule. A while later I went on a date with 2 different guys but wasn't really interested with them after I got to know them. Before I went out on the dates, my ex-boyfriend found out and ended up punching a hole in the wall of the apartment out of rage so that was kind of scary. One of them ended with a goodnight kiss but he made the first move and I turned my head the first time and then he tried to kiss me again so I didn't want to be rude. Throughout this time my ex-boyfriend sent me mixed signals and we didn't act completely like we were broken up also. I saw him everyday since we lived together but we had separate bedrooms in the apartment.

During our relationship we had many fights about my ex-boyfriend's best friend who is a girl. They met before he moved to my high school and they liked each other for a time. They continued to talk to each other and she continued to like him even after we were together. She still likes him (4 years later), and this is what led to problems. They do not live near each other at this point (4 hours away) but they talked on the social networking site frequently, text on the phone and occasionally talk on the phone. At some points I became suspicious and went through his phone/e-mails in the past too. I have not talked to her or met her before because I strongly dislike her. After we broke up they continued to talk more frequently. While he was visiting his family he invited her to see him at their house (they had not seen each other in 4 years). I was not there at the time but he told me about inviting her and what happened after-the-fact. So he told me that they talked most of the time and at the end she kissed him very quickly that he could not react. It sounded a little suspicious since she is several inches shorter than he is. Then this past month he invited her to visit at our apartment for a few hours. I was not at the apartment at the time since I was studying for finals. He told me that he wanted to see if there was any attraction between them and tell her that any kind of long-distance relationship was not going to work between them. He told me that they made out, she lied on his bed in a nonsexual way, and she wrote I love you on his dry erase board just to make me mad, and he told her to erase it but I still saw it. I don't really see him not talking to her in the future but it makes me very mad every time they talk or I see her posts on his online networking page and I have told him that before.

I have said most of the bad things about the relationship, but there are good things as well. We know each other very well, come from good families, have good values, goals and the same religion. We both are quiet and do not like to party hard like typical college students. One thing that bothers me is that he does not enjoy outdoor or water activities very much like I do.

So that is the background but I am in a tough spot at this point since our lease does not end until May. He has apologized for hurting me and says he still cares about me, and we have decided to be friends at this point. He has also agreed to go to counseling with me to sort out the issues we have. I am not sure if it is worth it to give our relationship another try or to just move on as best we can.





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