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Relationship Health Message Board


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I started dating a guy I met online back in mid september. So, we've been dating about 4 months. Me, early 40 driven professional, travels a lot and has a full life with many engagements but wants a companion, divorced no kids. Him, almost 50, wife left him after 12 years for another man, and left him with the full time care of two early teenage kids. She cheated on him repeatedly for the last 4 years and he knew it and just took it. I thought he was a bit taciturn and shy when I first met him and I wasn't totally into him but thought I'd like to try to see him again.

On the second date, he relaxed, opened up and we had a great time. I really had to stop him from putting his hands all over me, he was ready to get physical immediately but I put him off for a bit, but no too long. By the third date I felt very attracted to him and learned that he had taken so much crap from his ex for many years and just dealt with it and now was working full time, caring for kids, and doing it all by himself. hadn't had many serious relationships since the end of his marriage. By the fourth date we got physical but not sex and by the fifth date we slept together and it was ridiculous chemistry.

Over these four months, I've been so busy and we live about an hour apart but he would always come to me, drive up to take me to dinner once a week and then we'd spent friday or saturday night together and he's stay at my place. I travel a lot but have always kept in touch with him and call him when I'm back in town. He says he likes me doting on him and calling him, he has always sort of let me take the initiative but he will call me too. We've talked about going away together, seeing theatre, doing all of these things but to date, he has very little time himself after work and kids so we just go to dinner, then to my place, we talk a lot, watch movies, then a lot of very hot sex. He kept telling me that he loves being with me, that the thing he likes most about our time together is our conversations, that he never runs out of things to say with me and always feels comfortable, this seems to be an issue with him, he requires some drawing out, but once he starts talking he's quite funny and lively.

Everything has been great for 4 months, but plans to go away for a weekend and to the theatre have never materialized, trying to get him to commit to dates is impossible and I realize he's busy with kids and now he kind of has a second job for the month. I've never pushed nor pressured him just told him that I really enjoy spending time with him and we've both agreed on this amazing chemistry we have around each other and how when we're intimate, we both let our guard down and get carried away. he always answers or returns my calls and always responds to invitiations to come up and see me.

But suddenly for no reason, although he is doing part time work as a flight attendant for the month, he never calls, never returns my calls nor texts. It happened once and then after 4 days he called and said he had been flying a lot, and his phone broke, but now it's happened two other times.

What in the heck should I do? I'm really disappointed and my feelings are hurt, he's never been like this since I've met him. I could just say well he has two jobs and the holidays and all but with all of this technology and seeing each other regularly for 4 months, very regularly, he could at least text, email, give me a quick ring. It's so weird. I don't want to call him anymore, I left him two messages. I don't like being in this position.

Should I just let it go? I just wouldn't do this to someone I was seeing for 4 months and had no issues with but men don't usually respond to berating emails and I just don't want to be in this position. We've never had a disagreement, issue, talk, nothing, just spending time together, having a great time, enjoying each others company and having great sex. Was it just a sexual thing for him and that's it? the guy is 50, can't he give me some kind of answer and aren't I entitled to one?
I'm learning to pay attention to what men do, not what they say. For example, my boyfriend treats me really well, gives me lots of time and attention and is very affectionate, but sometimes he says stupid things. He tells me that sometimes he comes across rude without meaning to, but to look at how he treats me and the things he actually DOES for me. It's in those things that show that he cares (not that he always talks like a jerk or anything.) On the other hand, I've been with guys that TALK about how great I am and how much they like me, yet they never take me out or introduce me to their friends or make plans for the future... makes you wonder, doesn't it? You spend a lot of time talking about everything this guy has SAID to you, but what does he do to show you how he feels? He doesn't take you out on actual dates and doesn't call you back... he's not serious about you, for any number of reasons. Frankly, I don't think you should waste your time trying to figure out why, as hard as that can be, because it honestly usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with where he's at in his life right now. Why waste more time trying to figure out the motivations of a guy that obviously doesn't care about you like you would like him to? I say don't contact him and keep dating new guys until you find someone whose words and actions match.





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