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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hey everyone. I can't believe I actually resorted to making this thread, but I'm in desperate need of support.

My boyfriend and I have been with each other for 2 years now. I have been living with him since June '09.

The thing that made me so attracted to my boyfriend was his sense of humor. He never fails to make me laugh, which is great. When we get along, we have lots of fun with each other, which is why I've been with him for so long. I really do love him.

However, he has a side to him that's very emotionally abusive towards me. His ex girlfriend told me that he has really bad anger issues, but since him and I were getting along so well, I didn't exactly believe her... until now.

A little background: My boyfriend's car got totaled last November so I kindly let him drive my car often, or I drive him around places. He also doesn't have a phone, so I let him use mine. I also buy all our groceries, clean up after him, show him loads of affection, and am all around just really nice to him. It's in my nature to be nice.

I don't want to overwhelm you's with reading, but here are examples of things he's done just recently. :(

- I ended up getting an iPhone for Christmas which I've barely been able to use. I tell him that I want to take it places with me but he insists that I leave the phone with him since he's expecting phone calls/needs to make calls. He calls me selfish for wanting to bring my phone with me when I run errands because he says no one ever calls me anyways. He got really angry with me tonight for deleting some applications he put on my phone that I found were unnecessary, again, yelling at me and calling me selfish.

- He got a parking ticket on my car which I asked him for a good couple months to pay before the fine gets worse. He would always put it off and get mad at me for bringing it up. The fine eventually went from 21 or so dollars to around 70 dollars. I asked him one last time to pay it and he got really upset and started screaming at me about it, calling me a bitch and telling me that money is a sensitive issue and to stop bringing it up. I felt really guilty and payed for it a few minutes after, leaving me completely broke. He never thanked me for doing so. I asked him politely if I could count that as a part of his xmas present since I am struggling so bad with money, but he didn't want that since paying a parking ticket isn't a normal present.

- He uses my car a lot, way more than I do. All I ask in return is that he puts gas money in when he does use it. Last night, we agreed to each put a few bucks in my gas tank (6 dollars all together.) He gave me a 10 dollar bill to prepay with. Not even thinking, I had the tank prepaid to 10 dollars instead of 6. When he saw what happened, he started screaming at me at the gas pump for how stupid I was and that I'm "retarded". He also yelled that I did that on purpose to try to get a few more dollars off of him. I cried and he yelled at me for crying over it.

- He told me that he doesn't like me defending myself when he does raise his voice at me or curse at me (he's called me a bitch countless numbers of times. I never call him names, I care about him too much.) He told me to stop being a "hero" to myself and that it will just lead to a more heated argument.

Remember, these incidences are only a few recent examples of his behavior towards me.

Wow, now that I typed that all out, I realize how unhealthy our relationship is. I tried confronting him a couple weeks back, stating that I feel like he was emotionally abusing me. He told me that I was overreacting and got really upset about that because he dealt with physical abuse from his mom's ex-boyfriend when he was a child, so he's really against it. I just don't think he realizes what emotional abuse is.

As I stated though, when we get along, everything is great. We have loads of fun and I feel extremely in love with him. I don't want to give up on our relationship quite yet... My wish is that someone here will give me some kind of hope and advise to keep this relationship strong. The only thing I can think of doing at this point is just distance myself until he shapes up so he realizes that he could lose me if he doesn't watch his temper with me.

Signed, dontknowwhattodo.

(I'm nervous that I'm going to feel bad for posting this thread about my boyfriend, especially if we end up getting along pretty well tomorrow.)





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