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You sound like a really caring, intelligent, and sweet woman and always remember that. Keep telling yourself the truth, that you are a valuable person with or without him. If he can't appreciate you for who you are, you don't need him in your life.

It appears that he is being defensive. While I understand the right to privacy as a guy, there is something not quite right about trying to hide a relationship with a woman he knows. After all, if they are just friends, he wouldn't need to try to hide it from you.

As other posters wisely said, put the marriage off, at least for now. I'm not talking about two months... more like two years. While I can't speak for all guys, as a male myself, I know that we guys don't like to change. The reason: it gives guys a great deal of insecurity to admit that they have a problem that needs fixing. The ironic problem with this is that: if a guy thinks he doesn't need to change, then he won't. Thus, his quest for security actually and ironically makes him even more insecure: hence, the defensiveness over your questioning him.

I would wait two years before any marriage. The reason for this is: a guy's not gonna change in a year. Even if he does, it will take time to adjust. This doesn't mean a guy can't ever change. It does mean that if (and that a big "if"), then he's not going to change in a short period of time.

I wish you the best though in your relationship and regardless of how it turns out, know that you are a valuable person! :)
[QUOTE=lilcountrybabyO;4154579]&& is it wrong for me to ask him for his password and stuff back OR is it wrong of him to not give it to me since he has given me so many reasons not to trust him?[/QUOTE]

Countrybabe, I'm sorry to say, but really, you guys are WWAAAAYY past pass words. Why would you even want to still be spying on him and checking up on him? What is the point of being with someone you can't trust and have to spy on?

No, you should NOT ask him for his passwords again. You need to do some real soul searching and think long and hard about what you want in life, and in a relationship. You cannot change him, so you have to make a choice. IF you are going to stay with him, you have to accept that he wants to live and act like what you consider a single guy. He likes to get drunk, he likes to hit on other women. He likes living the way he lives, and you have to just let him be him. It sounds to me like this will make you very unhappy, which is why we all think the best option for you is to end the relationship and find someone more compatible, someone who believes in commitment the way you do and someone who cares about you more in the way you need him to.

There is NO way to "make" him realize how much his behavior hurts you. If he doesn't care, he doesnt' care. You can't make him care.

This is a very important lesson we all have to learn when it comes to relationships. You cannot change the other person or control their thoughts, feelings or behaviors. The only thing you can control is how you react to it. You can keep taking his crap and let it turn you into a neurotic, insecure, distrustful mess, or you can take charge of your life. Leaving him is not really that hard. You just say "i don't think we should see each other anymore" and then you walk away. I know it's hard, but really, looking at it objectively and logically, it really just doesn't make any sense to stay with him and continue to let him treat you badly just so you won't have to think about what he's doing or who he's seeing. I mean, the truth is, you are already doing this. If you are no longer with him, you won't have any good reason to care who he's with or what he's doing. Staying with him because you're afraid of the pain of losing him and being alone just isn't a good enough reason to stay with someone who makes you feel the way you are feeling right now.





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