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Hi,

I was doing an internet search about being insecure and jealous and found this site. I hope someone has some insight or help...

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over three years. I moved in with him about a year ago. We are doing well, remodled the kitchen, have taken nice trips together, and have an intimate and close relationship.

The problem is that I am intensely jealous recently, increasingly insecure. My boyfriend is, and always has been, a very charasmatic guy with lots of friends, male and female. Recently, it seems like there have been several occasions when women have confided in him, for various reasons. (like boyfriend issues, etc). My boyfriend likes being helpful and I think he has always kind of enjoyed being the kind of guy who saves the damsel in distress.

I do talk to him when I get jealous. I try not to blame or get upset. I just state me feelings mostly. He always reassures me, says I'm the only one, says that he would never jeapordize what we have.

This past weekend was really hurtful for me. He told me he was stopping by a bar for happy hour for a friends birthday (a guy who was having a party.) Instead of inviting me he said he would only be a half hour and then come home and we would have the evening to ourselves. Well, a half hour turned into two hours. To his credit, he did call me after about an hour and appologize, but he never mentioned or ask that I come and join him. Thats Very unlike him. When he got home, he mentioned that a woman friend of ours was there and that she was "bending his ear" over a recent break up. I was jealous. That night was also a the first time ever he was unable to "perform", despite his taking a whole Viagra. Even the next morning, still no "action". I felt uneffective and unwanted- even though I shouln't feel that way. He tried to reassure me its not me fault.

Also he talked to an ex girlfriend for 40 minutes the other day. He even mention to her she should come by and see the new kitchen. Why??

Also last weekend he asked if I wanted to go to a party we were invited to. He mentioned the location and the host, both of which I do not care for. (the place is a seedy dive bar and the hostess is a cougar who hot on my boyfriend about a year ago). I turned it down and so neither of us went. I found out afterwards that a woman who my boyfriend knows is trouble was there and he knew she was going to be there. This woman was at a male friends party two weeks ago, and waited for his wife to go to bed, then took off her top and gave him a lap dance. Real classy. I had issue with that, and my boyfriend knows that. Why did he not mention she would be there?

It's just a handful of instances like that recently. Just today he announced that he is going to go on a business trip late in February for 4 days. This will be a first. Of course my insecurities went crazy, but I tried not to show it.

So I have been battling all this insecurity... I gained some weight over the holidays, and also I feel that I am a financial burden on him. I fear that he is mentally checking out and that other women are starting to look like an option for him.

Can anyone help with this feeling?? I WANT so bad to believe him when he says he has no reason to "go elsewhere". How can I stop obsessing?

:confused:
[QUOTE=beadle;4163218]I The lapdance thing is stupid. Where does he find these people? There are nice guys out there. And what is he doing using viagra? He sounds young from his actions.
[/QUOTE]

The lap dance thing was SOO stupid. Here we were at his best friend's 50th birthday party. And this skanky woman is the girlfriend of my boyfriend's past room mate. (he used to rent out a room in his house). His ex roomie is a total nut case loser. He and this woman showed up at the party. Things got a bit crazy and next thing I know she has her top off, gyrating all over his best friend. He (my boyfriend was in another room missed the whole thing, lucky for me.

My boyfriend is 54 this year and I'm 40. I have to agree, he has so LOSER friends. I like some of them, but do not like others. He swears to god he is not like his friends. But I suppose the company he keeps is yet another reason I feel insecure at times.

I appreciate your opinion and advice!





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