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Hi everyone:

I think I see similar posts--but maybe this will help for me to get it out and hopefully someone can give me some perspective and support. I really need someone to give my head a shake.

There is a woman that works with my boyfriend. She is single, but in a relationship--but a tad too familiar with my bf--I have witnessed it--she is a very nice person to me for sure (and honestly gorgeous and 10 yrs. younger!) and I think she realizes the relationship between my BF and I is tight-- and she is looking forward to getting engaged soon--but... I think she sees my bf as her work "husband"--joining committees he is on and wandering into his office for coffee etc. My radar goes off around her--almost like she is competing with me for his attention. He is friendly with her and likes her as his work friend--but always seems to defend her somehow. It's hard to describe. If I had to be honest with you--I guess I wish I could hear him say he is not attracted to her at all--or complain about her for some reason--but he doesn't and says she is always nice to him and that's all he cares about at work.

My boyfriend had an opportunity to attend a conference (somewhere warmer than here!) and he was looking forward to going. I then found out that the woman from work was also going along--so it is his boss and wife, another co-worker and his wife, my bf (I cannot get time off to go) and the co-worker and another female co-worker on the trip.

When he called me today he was so happy to hear my voice--and told me he loved me as he always does, and how he misses me etc--and I love that about him--but then he told me that last night the three of them (him and the two girls) had a blast by going for a great dinner and then he drove them to a mall to shop and then for drinks after--so he didn't get in until 1am. He didn't think anything of telling me all that. I felt sick to my stomach -- just knowing that this woman and him were out doing such fun things and having a blast and making memories together. This will continue on all week as they go to a theme park and shopping and out for dinner and drinks etc etc--soemtimes as a group but lots as a threesome (I assume.)

I cannot bear it. I cannot handle this. It is so upsetting to me that I feel sick. How unfair am I being? He tells me he loves me and he was so good about trying to soothe my insecurities on the phone this morning--but I don't think it's enough. I trust him--I'm not afraid he will cross a line or anything--but I am so beyond envious that this woman will share a HUGE bond now with my boyfriend that I don't share--and how can I even compete?

If you think I am being unreasonable--tell me--but give me soemthing to hold onto security wise--some words of wisdom--some words that will put some perspective.

Maybe you have a similar tale of a Work trip and how you dealt--I don't travel in my job so I'm not sure--but I can only imagine how fun it must be while you are there in a fancy hotel doign only fun things--no stress or responsibilities?

I do NOT want to cry again when he calls--so should I tell him to not call or email me anymore while he is away? The pictures in my head from what he has shared so far are making me sick. I cannot eat or sleep--I am a mess.

Just so you know I am not like this when he is home---there is this intense fear of the unknown for me--and pure envy of this girl getting to share in all these memories. AM I overanalyzing?

I look forward to your responses...
And thanks for listening to me. Man, I need some sleep...
Hi Marie,

Yes, I sure can relate to your jealously! As you read in my post, (and thank you for replying) I am dealing with similar issues.

I may not be the one to soothe your worry. I'm just another soul out here who can understand your feelings!

What is encouraging in your post is that your boyfriend called you and shared what he did with you. As bad as it felt to hear it, the silver lining is that he called you. I believe that a less strong relationship would have resulted in him not even sharing what he did.

I know it sucks and its a double edge sword. On one hand it hurts to hear about our boyfriends speaking fondly of other women friends and getting close to them in any way. On the other hand it is good that they tell us. It shows that they are not trying to hide anything.

My boyfriend, Mr Charisma himself (and I DO love that aobut him), has had to reassure me several times, because there are a lot of women who love to talk to him. Some are just downright flirtatious and yeah, it bugs me! He is going on this business trip to Orlando in February and he's not the kind of guy to sit alone in his room. He'll want to go socialize, and there will be single women going, and I'll be in the same boat you are right now. So move over, sister, and make room! ;)

Anyway, I'm sorry you're feeling misrable over this. I wish I could help more!!





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