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Relationship Health Message Board


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A month ago I met a great guy. We're both 30. We had fantastic dates -- lots of chemistry and laughs, good conversation, a lot in common. It was flirtatious and really enjoyable. We texted and spoke a bit in between dates - we'd seen each other once a week for the past four weeks. He'd send very sweet texts saying he had a great time, couldn't wait to see me again. On our third date, very naturally, things became intimate. It was incredible. We had a great chemisty but it was not just physical, we just seemed to connect very easily and quickly in a number of ways. He peppered in a few things referencing the future "you'll undertstand better when you meet my dad," "I'll take you with me next time I go," "we should do this together." He complimented me often, said I made him nervous, but in a good way, was very affectionate and just real. No games, no pretense. He wasn't feeding me lines. The fourth time we got together we had a relaxing evening and I stayed overnight. He asked if I had missed him during the week, said he'd been thinking about me. We laughed, had great conversations, the physical connection was fantastic. He talked about how comfortable he was with me, how it surprised him how easy things were, how we had no awkwardness together. He'd been in a few serious relationships but has been single for about 1.5 years. He wants the same things I do in the future -- marriage and family. And he talked about being ready for a new chapter in his life after being out of the dating game for awhile. Since it was only four dates, we didn't get into the what-are-we talk at all, which was just not needed and too early. All we touched on was to say neither of us were being intimate with another, which is a good quick talk to have for health aspects, obviously. The next morning he had to go into work early. He told me to stay at his house, to sleep in as late as I wanted, but it seemed too early for that, and I left the house when he did. We said goodbye, talked about getting together during the week, but didn't make definite plans for any day. We agreed to both check schedules and sort something out. I left his house really happy, excited that something good was starting to build with him. I felt in control and happy and was eager to see him again soon.

I texted him that evening to say I had a great time, he replied he did, as well. A few days went by. In trying to sort out our schedules, he'd mentioned he would be free on Wednesday, but I'd had plans in place. Wednesday morning my plans were cancelled, so I texted him to see if he was still free that evening. He said he had messed up his schedule and had a committment Wednesday night, not Thursday as he had originally thought. I asked if he wanted to shoot for Thursday, he said he might have something to do but would let me know later in the day Wednesday if he could. So, where does this leave me? It's Friday and I have yet to hear from him. He never contacted me Wednesday as he said he would, not yesterday at all, and not today. I am miffed. And crestfallen. He has a demanding job and other committments, but I do as well. If something came up -- other plans or having to work -- I'd at least expect a text saying he couldn't make it. He seems like a direct guy, so if something bigger happened -- he got back with an ex, wanted to pursue someone else, just decided to take himself out of dating -- he seems the type to be open and straight forward. Perhaps I'm wrong. The lack of contact is hard. It hurts. I really thought he was different and I now feel like I have been played. All the other typical excuse scenarious I run through just seem like excuses (e.g. lost phone - he has my email address and other ways of contacting me besides phone). I am just hurt. I'm especially hurt that my intuition about him was wrong. It's been said by millions of girls millions of times, but I honestly thought he was different. I believed what he said to me because he is an honorable, good person. I don't feel like any of it was a line or a come on or that he is the type to date a lot of girls at once or blow people off.

I know to stay away from the phone. Not to text or to call. It's his pursuit and it's in his court. But I am really saddened. I feel like I somehow duped myself by thinking something would happen with him, by getting too excited too early on. I've been hurt before as most of us have. Each time you open up to someone and it does not work, it just nicks away a little part of you -- your heart, your hope, all of it. What do you think -- do I stay mum and let this go?





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