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I have posted here before about a guy that I've been dating who is so busy and so into his friends that we don't have much time together. I was advised by many of you to leave him which I did temporarily and I went back. Well we are still together, since July now despite one break up but it's still weird but I have to recognize a few things about myself and one is my own insecurity and I wanted to ask you all for input because again, I'm losing sleep over things.

First I have to say, I really like him, I've come to recognize that he has a lot of issues and insecurities of his own when it comes to women and relationships. I don't think he's had many quality adult relationships and again he's 43, never married, but according to him wants to get married and settle down.

He just can't be alone, he always has to make plans. I've come to realize that he hates being by himself, that he longs for the comfort of familial life that he sees with his friends. We've spent time with his friends on weekends and he's totally relaxed and loves just cooking at home and watching movies, but with me, it's always go, go, make plans, always moving, always going out with other people. He seems to hate being alone in his house but he doesn't invite me to establish any kind of comfort or domestic life with him.

After a month of not seeing each other due to conflicting schedules, and him being out of town for 3 weeks, we finally get together but at his friends house out of town. We had a great time and when were together, we were so comfortable and affectionate with each other, we always call each other honey, baby, sweetie, and he clearly tells people that I'm his girlfriend. he's so busy and had so little time for me and I'm also a very busy professional with a full career so I can't just be available when he wants me to be but I certainly am more available than he is. I've been so insecure of whether or not we are a real couple, that I haven't been entirely monogomous with him,I would date others on the side here and there but I don't want to. AFter a month apart and starting to feel close to him and that he really does consider me his girlfriend, regardless of how often we see each other, I finally had to face my insecurities and decide that I really like this man and I need to cut out all of the other extracurricular stuff and do my part if I want this to grow.

So I've done that, there's only him. last week, we spent friday together and sensing that he longs for a domestic comfortable home life, I cooked him dinner and invited him over to watch a movie for the first time. My intuition was correct, he loved it and told me so many times. Now we are going away to the caribbean together in 2 weeks and he told me he's working every weekend until then.

Then he asked me to do something on friday but I had already made plans to go see friends out of town for the weekend, a long time ago. I told him so many times, but he never remembers.

The point is, now I feel like we are starting to grow at a glacial pace though. I do want this to go somewhere but I feel so bad that I was unavailable on friday. I almost wanted to cancel my trip, that's what I would probably do in the past. But I want him to know that I have my own life, my own friends, and that I'm not dependent on him for my hapiness, which is all true. However, I lost sleep all weekend because all I could do was think that he is upset with me or won't want to be with me because I was busy this weekend. I sent him a note on email to tell him I wished he was with me, but he hasn't answered, which is typical of him. He doesn't usually email or call unless we have concrete plans.

I know I sound pathetic, but I'm opening up my soul to say how i really feel inside and that I'm so insecure about standing my ground and turning him down when I have other plans. We have so little time together, I don't want to never be available for him.

Do you think he is annoyed with me for not being available, or does it make him want to try to make plans with me more because he realizes that he's not the only one with a busy life. How do I just live my life and not make him the center of everythign I do and feel confident about that? I don't want to lose anymore sleep over this type of thing. I want him to know I really like him, but Im busy too.


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