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Training a Husband
Feb 1, 2010
I am in a relationship with a man who has an abundance of good qualities... he is loving, committed, has good moral character and is a lot of fun to be with most of the time.

The problem comes when he gets stressed, or imagines that he's being criticized he can be really "snarly". The words are not so terrible, but the way he says them is angry so it either hurts me, or more likely makes me respond in anger myself.

Maybe he has anger management issues, or maybe I'm just being super sensitive. I grew up with an angry step-father and I don't deal well with anger in any shape or form.

What is my best strategy when he blurts out one of these zingers? Getting angry just results in a fight. Once or twice I've looked him straight in the eye and told him that he is loved and has no reason to be upset. This quickly diffuses the situation, but I end up feeling bruised.

What I want to say is: "Knock it off, you a**hole, you're eroding my ability to love and connect with you" - which he seems to understand when I calmly explain this in a conversation.

Any suggestions on how to respond and diffuse the situation when it occurs? I just got through training a lab puppy so I'm pretty sure I can train this guy if I just have the right response ;).

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