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All you can do is keep putting yourself out there and see what happens but stop dating anyone that is still married. Also add to the mix that you are a virgin will make things harder for you to find a guy willing not to have sex at this age. This guy you got yourself involved with has told you in so many ways that he is not interested in a relationship with you and is being ever so polite but you need to move on to someone not attached. Any married guy would be looking for a sexually comforting relationship that's just how most are hardwired. No man/women that is still married is 'available' no matter how much you are there for them. I believe this guy revealed all his emotional baggage to you in hopes you would let down and sleep with him but when it became apparent you are going to maintain your virgin status then he backed away. I am guessing this is why you are still unattached at 31...You sound like such a nice person that perhaps you would need to become involved in a religious organization to meet a guy that might understand your need to be a virgin. Just a thought ...good luck.
WIBH, I don't think there's really anything wrong with you, except maybe what the poster above said, that you go after the wrong guy, or the wrong type of guy. You also sound very sensitive. Life can be difficult for emotionally sensitive people.

I've got you beat! I'm 44 and am still a virgin, so you don't need to feel freaky there. In my case, it's more lack of opportunity than anything else, but I'm also a very emotionally sensitive person, and am just not interested in casual or random sex with someone I'm not in love with and who isn't in love with me. I too did the internet dating thing for about 10 years. I dated literally hundreds of men. I lost count over 10 years, but it was definitely well over 200, and not one single second date. Not one. So I don't really blame you for not wanting to go down that road again. It just doesn't work for everyone.

I really think you were on the right track when you said you need to concentrate more on being grateful for the wonderful family and friends you have. I know it can be hard. I'm one of those people who can feel so very alone in a room filled with people. I need more than just a warm body sitting next to me in order to not feel lonely. I need a connection, emotional intimacy, someone who "gets" me, who is on my wavelength, to not feel lonely. Hopefully your friends and family provide a little of that for you. Reach out to them. Learn to speak their language. Listen to how their day was, go to a movie THEY want to see once in a while, even if it's not what you would pick, etc.

But I think the most important lesson to learn in life is, we don't know what we're going to get, or what to expect. the sad, hard, ugly simple truth is, not everyone gets to fall in love and live happily ever after. It just doesn't happen for everyone, through no fault of their own. Many people just never meet the right person. It's just not in the cards for them. God seems to have other plans for them. I think you'll be more at peace once you wrap your mind around the fact that marriage cannot be a "goal" in your life the same way a career, or acquiring a house can be a goal. It relies on too many factors that are beyond your control, like another person's free will. In order to fall in love with someone, that someone has to want to fall in love with you, too, and there's really not a lot you can do to force that to happen. It either will or it won't. The only thing you can do is continue to grow through experiences and life lessons, keep your heart open to whatever good things may come your way, and be good and respectful to the people in your life. And find ways to be good to yourself, to satisfy your own emotional needs as much as possible. Once you do that, what you are meant to have will come. It may not be what you always thought you wanted, it may not be your absolute dream come true, but it will be what you need, and what you were meant to have.
I think church is a great place to meet people who share your same values and beliefs.

There is also a wealth of activity-based groups out there depending on what interests you. You should join something like that and meet people that way. People who like the same things you do. That's one of the best ways to meet people.

I would never try to meet people at bars. That's SO seedy! You would meet better quality people at bookstores or coffee shops. The guys who hang out there are more sophisticated and less immature. If you're anything like me, you grew out of the bar scene a long time ago. It's really boring and guys who hang out there are totally lame anyways.

In the meantime, what LLM said is right on the money. There are far worse things than being single at our age (I'm 35 and single, too), namely being trapped in a crappy miserable relationship or marriage with seemingly no way out. Don't you ever read the other posts on here from all these women who are married to these loser guys who abuse them or who are lazy bums that don't work, or have all sorts of other issues and then realize how lucky we are that we dodged that bullet? Every time I read those posts, I always remember my prior relationships and how, if I would have married ANY of them, I'd be one of these women on here complaining. That's why I'm so glad I didn't jump at the chance to get married just for the sake of getting married. I'm really glad I didn't do that!

As for this ex of yours, I have to agree with the others. He has been nice to you so far but it's really clear he's not interested. You really need to put him behind you and look ahead to what's next. The longer you pine after him, the less you'll notice when someone available comes along. Don't sabotage your future for a guy that will never come around. It's not worth it.





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