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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


to -Larrylous mom- also Ive met this (what I thought was) kind gentle man a few times, cried with him over the fact that his ex wife wont allow him to see his son and sided with him about how important it is to have family..My s/o past relationshp was controlling & we are actually in councelling for that to help deal with his past & see not all ppl are controlling and manipulative like his ex...his friend knew her as well, and I hear they also had some sort of altercation..
He also came from a family where he had a very controlling mother, and although he knows Im not controlling ( I do set boundaries for what I need from this relationship) his " friend" seems to be a very narrow minded woman hater, and perhaps has this warped opinion of many women, even my s/o's sister told me this guy was a nutcase, womanhater and had many issues, however I never seen that side till now..
When I first asked my s/o what on earth he said to this guy, he said he would never belittle me or be abusive towards me, however I do believe that venting can be misinterprested if only viewing one side within a warped mind.
My s/o has had many issues with depression in his life, still he struggles to stay positive, so maybe this place is a place he can go & be negative with a negative person pretending to be positive..if that makes sense.
Once his friend called our house & in conversation he commented" oh but I suppose if he comes over here he needs to ask you for your permission first ..doesnt he"...with a smug tone ..this was when I first believed this man had some resentment towards me... or woman perhaps..i just didnt know how deeply he had this affliction.
I told him "Of coarse not, but it is commom relationship courtesy to run stuff by your spouse before you take off for the evening, its just what couples do..has nothing to do with asking for my permission"...
Seems to me, anymone can twist anything the wrong way if looking at it from a warped perspective or with a negative attitude.
My s/o was in a very bad place when I met him, he was jobless, sleeping on a cot in his sisters kitchen & I still didnt care. I loved him for who I believed he was..now in the past three years he has become sucessful at his job getting raise after raise, we live a normal life, just bought a big house & have 5 children together..maybe his friends resentments are only defining himself, not me..sad though. I had opened my heart and arms to this guy, it was a big shock to get treated this way..Im thinking he may have BPD. He also is a chronic pot smoker as well (or so i hear) that may explain it..I dont know.
Whatever he is or isnt, it still doesnt excuse my s/o from not even discussing this with me, maybe he just pities him..I dont know, he should have still respected me more.


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