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Relationship Health Message Board


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ok, so i work with this girl (or around her, not with her exactly). she's 24 1/2 and i'm 22. we started talking at work about 4 months ago, for the first 3 months we worked together we didn't say much to eachother, but finally i started to open up (i'm sorta shy), and she followed suit (she's the same). there was nothing that led to me to believe this was the wrong thing to do, i figured she was single and it was completely normal. through someone else, however, i found out that she had a boyfriend for 3 years (she made no mention of it during previous conversations where she could've easily and naturally brought it up - needless to say, she avoided bringing it up, though). everything in the book of flirting she did.

now i know what you're thinking: she's just a tease, like plenty of other girls out there... BUT, what i know about her and what she's done paints a different picture. some of the things she started to do told me that she wanted to be more than friends.

i'll give you an example: around the time that she and i started talking i looked her up on myspace, and guess what? SHE CREATED A PAGE that first month. i was assumming she created one in the hope that she i could contact her. i personally didn't have a myspace so it wasn't even possible. i saw her myspace page and there was absolutely no activity on it. she's log on every week or every other week but that was it. anyway, to test her motives for creating the page (i figured she made it because she wanted to talk to me while our co-workers, who knew she was in a relationship, weren't around and thus get more imitate) a few months after that (in late Dec., as was about to go on vacation from work) i told her that i'd had my myspace page terminated a while back. she seemed mad about that in person. a couple of days later, i ended up going to to her myspace page, and found it terminated. it no longer existed. so apparently my suspicions were right about her wanting to take the relationship further than just friends, and that she created her myspace solely for that purpose. she even put a song up on her page , while it was up, called "all good things must come to an end" by nelly furtado as one of her songs, which talks about going from lovers to friends. (there's a bunch of other stuff she's done to show this, but this is the most obvious.)

anyway, a week passes after that and i don't see her. i ended going on a new years' vacation. when i come back i ask her how everything went for New Years and she tells me, in a distinctively dull tone, that her bf had propsed to her ... at the New Years Party that he held IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. i couldn't believe it. i sincerely thought that things were going in a different direction for them. i know she wanted to anyway, but apparently her bf still loved her. later on that day, i overheard a conversation she had with one of my coworkers, a buddy of mine, and apparently they were having a dsicourse about her engagement, an she seemed sad so he asked her why she seemed sad when it should've been a happy time for her. i even heard her say she was "shocked" when he proposed to her. that was the one adjective she used. not happy, elated, etc. - shocked. she said one time, as i overheard it, that she was "so shocked, she's didn't even think she said yes." and she said this while i was around, as if to indirectly show me her feelings.

so it's feb. and a month has passed since then. the flirting has been toned down, however she stills likes me. she stays late at work (she's sayed more than 1 1/2 late, and reg. stays an hour late) to talk to me. we've never directly expressed our feelings for eachother, and i don't want to intrude on there relationship, and be known as the guy that breached the bros b4 hoes contract (even the the bf is a d-bag) and she isn't a hoe, but whatever. plus my dad's a doctor at the hospital where we work and to make matters worse, her bf works there as well. ti could end up ugly and awkward.

i guess my question is rather philosophical. and i'd appreciate it if someone with some wisdom can help answer this: is it possible for a relationship to become spry again and turn into a lasting marriage if at one point it was withering (at least from one person's perspective) and dying? if not, will she eventually overcome her passive nature and tell him that she doesn't have any feelings for him, despite the fact that he still loves her?

i know you can't give specific answers to these questions, but i'm not experienced enough, haven't lived long enoug, to know how to answer them. i really love this girl and the feeling i know is mutual. everything will end up taking its course, but i don't know what that course is. of course, i'd like it to be the one the that i want it to be, but i don't want to trick myself by waiting until she comes around, if she does. there are other fish in the sea, but she's something special, really.

thanks. i know this is a long post, and it was done without much preperation (i've got some studying to do), but if anyone can sort of comment on the situation using their won experiences or wisdom, it'd be much apprecitated.





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