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Relationship Health Message Board


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Many of you have offered me helpful advice in my confusing relationship with a rather selfish man. I'd love to hear from you and others on my continuing confusion. Those who have read my previous posts know that I've had a difficult time connecting with this man who is always on the go and so busy and doesn't make time to spend alone with me. Well we finally went on vacation together and it was amazing. In the last month we've been getting more intimate and closer, calling each other sweetie and honey, etc.

this vacation gave us 5 days alone together, something we've never done. I was concerned because he's frenetic and always needs to be doing something so I had a lot planned but we ended up just relaxing, being together, walking, going to the beach, and he was able to really unwind, something he said he never does on vacation. I was able to relax also, it was wonderful. I'm really starting to feel something for him, don't know if it's love, attachment, but we have fun together and I'm feeling emotions for him.

We have some of the most honest conversations we've ever had, which is what I had hoped the time alone together would bring. We talk about our hopes and dreams, do we want kids, he asks why I liked him, what do I see in him. He asks what my dreams are, what I think makes a marriage work. We're very much in sync with everything. I ask him to tell me his top 5 priorites and he says settling down and establishing a family is number one. I tell him that if that's his priority, he should make it so and think about living his life accordingly. He responds that he wants everything career, money, family, etc. I"m also a high level professional woman with a demanding career and a full and satisfying life, very active, good friends, but I want to find the love of my life.

We are sitting together and just relaxing and talking about my dad, something we do a lot. I'm very close with my dad and tell him stories about my dad and the advice he gives me. He always expresses how much he wants to meet my dad and knows that he's going to love my dad and that they will get along. A few months ago he asked if he could call my dad to ask him a question about something related to his work and that my dad knows a lot about, I told him that my dad would love it, but it never happened.

Out of the blue he says to me, I really want to talk to your dad, I'm dying to meet him but.......I shouldn't say this but I will. Then he tells me that he doesn't want to meet my dad until he's absolutely sure what our future is. He explains that parents always love him and that in the past he has met his past girlfriends parents and had a great relationship and that he then felt obligated to stay in the relationship longer than he wanted because he had such a great relationship with the parents, and he doesn't want that to happen with us.

Remember, he's 43, never married. Very interested in what makes couples work, always watching shows on it and reading articles about it. I feel upset by his comments. I never asked him to meet my dad, he brought this all up. He has been very clear that after all this time he wants to get married and have a family so i interpret this as, I'm not sure I want to marry you yet so i don't want to meet your dad, pretty obvious right? I try to net let my insecurities get the best of me and tell him, look, you do things on your own time table, whenever you feel comfortable, we're not racing the clock. I tell him that I have my own time table and that women often see these things differently. But I also tell him he should find a balance because i've met so many of his friends and he has not met many of the people in my life and if he wants to get to really get to know me, he should, he agrees and says that I'm right.

I'm dealing with a highly intelligent, gifted man here who is very oppressed when it comes to emotions, who's never thought about joining his life with a woman before and now professes to be ready to do so. I want to commit to him in a long-term relationship, if it all works, and we fall in love, I will want to marry him too.

But now I feel so bad and insecure, why did he have to say that. He wants to get married but seems to have no idea how to go about this whole relationship thing. I now feel that from here on in, I"m on trial for him to determine whether or not I'm marriage material, and I'm so self conscious now and uncomfortable.

How should I interpret this, I'm terrified of continuing along the positive path we're now on and all of a sudden he says, well you're not marriage material so bye. I'm feeling emotions for him and I would never say something like this to him. If pressed, I would say, I really love our time together and feel great about the direction we're going, let's keep on this path and see where it takes us. But he offered this up, unprovoked. Or should I take it in a positive light, that this guy is emotionally immature and he's trying, after 43 years of being single and self absorbed, he feels enough for me to go on vacations together and talk about the future and marriage and that he's pretty serious and just needs time. He told me that all of this, relationships and love, take him a long time

I feel horrible about something that I may just be insecure about, what do you all think?





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