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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

My husband passed away 2 years ago and I've had one relationship since. I was ready for it, but it certainly didnt change the way I felt about my husband. I married him. Promised him I would love him forever, til death do us part. And still, even though he died, that doesnt mean he isnt in my thoughts every single day. Anywho, My boyfriend started to become more and more jealous about this. He would say things to me like how I hide behind my dead husband so I wouldnt have to commit, or that I use grief as an excuse to get out of having to be close. This hurt me pretty bad because in looking at it honestly, I was grieving, but I never once threw it in this mans face. I loved him too, very much. Long story short, he started becoming jealous of my kids, wanted them to play away from me all the time. Then he became jealous of my mother, and tried to oust her. Not to mention that this whole time I was supporting this man. In the end, I made him leave. He was trying to control me and make me absolutely his, and everything else needed to come second, or third, or fourth on the list. This is absolutely the stupidist thing in the universe concidering he told me many times that his son was the most important thing in his life and nobody and nothing could ever compare to that. These discussions normally came up when his son would visit us and he wouldnt let my children play with them......IN MY OWN HOUSE! Bastard! What I'm getting at is, he loves his wife, he allways will. If YOU cant handle that, then you are trying to control him. This is really much more your problem then it is his in my opinion. Get some self confidence, ask him to tell you about his wife. Be proactive and interested and help him grieve in a normal productive way. It will not only help him, but let him know how much you love him and that you are there to support him no matter what. And dont do it with a condition attatched. For instance, if he sends her flowers next valentines day, dont get pissy about it. Accept it. He loves her and he sent her something. As long as he remembered to send you something too then all is good. Otherwise, just let him go. But dont add to his pain by trying to get him to chose. You'll lose.

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