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Hi MizzFox-

I just now read this thread. And you know, he sounds very much like my boyfriend. there are so many parallells I figure we must be dating the same!

My boyfriend does and says the same thing, at least he has in the past (its getting better). I remember when we first stated dating he hated it when I would get so upset that I would leave. (we had our own places at the time, and if I was over at his place and we would fight I would go back to my place and he hated that.) He would NOT call or chase me down, and he even told me that upfront- that he was not the kind of guy to come chasing after me if I go away. But, he loves me to death. I know that. But in his head he feels like my "leaving" is a control thing. So he would wait like two days before calling. Then we would make up, etc.
He sounds like your boyfriend also in the way that he doesnt like talking about things right away. he needs a day to process the problem at hand. If I push it really doesnt work. He needs time to process, and then he will come back and appologize if he was wrong, or not if he wasnt wrong, but either way we will talk it out, given a bit of time.

I guess what I'm saying is that I dont believe that your boyfriend necessarily has a foot out the door as suggested. I think he does love you, (he talks about your future, etc etc) but his way of communicating and problem solving does not match yours. So this needs to be worked out and you have to come to a compromise. He does need to understand that the way you two communicate right now in conflict is not working. You somehow have to come to a middle ground. Maybe something like this: when you are bothered and need resolve, you bring it up, and he at the very least acknowledges it and really listens. Then, you allow him a day or two at max to roll it around in his head. As long as he sticks to his end of the agreement to talk to you in a certain amount of time. Its a compromise...

I do think your boyfriend will call. If he is like mine (and soundsl like he is) it could be a day, two days, even longer. My boyfriend also USED to have that same mind set where he would wait for ME to do the calling and fixing and appologizing. I stopped calling and appologizing (expect for when I KNEW I was wrong) and eventually he learned to come to me when he was wrong.
Hang in there. and when you two do talk, try and stay calm and try hard not to play the hurt victim (even though you feel like the victim justifiebly so).He might feel like he can't do anything right and he keeps hurting you. They get tired of that after a while. Be strong and confidant in your next talk. Be clear about what you need. I bet that the moment you begin to step up and stand up for yourself he will come forward and bend towards the middle ground. Right now its all about you doing the work, but if you stop doing it he will have to do it as well.

Good luck from someone whose been there :-)

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