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Ahh, unfortunately, I'm back on here but this time I'm not sure if the issue is specifically related to my boyfriend's daughter or a combination. Alot has happened since I last posted. I was able to plan some one-on-one time with the daughter and I was also included in a couple of family get togethers (including easter) as well as a day I planned for the 3 of us while she was on school vacation. everything was seemingly fine.

Then, the problems (with her) began again but this time, the Mom wasn't upset with me as she was getting just as much from the daughter because she was dating too. So now everyone is stressed, the daughter was fighting with both parents, threatening to 'run away', etc. and they then learned that she was having problems at school with some classmates as well as her admitting she wanted her parents together. (she was 2 when they split so it's not like she's known them together). Anyway, my boyfriend took the time to reasurre me and stress that this would not effect us and that it could take a year, two even, before she fully accepts me. The future reference he stated made me feel good - in that he sees us together that far down the road. He will occasionally make remarks like that so I've never had the urge to ask that dreaded "where are we" in the relationship.

Fast forward to now, our sports season has started where we both have crazy schedules so I attributed to my not staying over so often to that as well as him spending more time with his daughter. But then it just felt like he was withdrawing - less texts, he wouldn't call or text when he was away for the day/weekend with his daughter's tournaments like he used to, and just a general overall feeling something changed. It got worse and I was so stressed about it, i finally called him on it, something i hated to do. he immediately called me and said that he is so incredibly stressed from dealing with his daughter, that he's even forgetting about his own games and his head is spinning. He asked if i could please give him a little time and hopefully when she goes to her Grandmother's for the summer, things will be a little less crazed.

That was about 2 weeks ago. Since, things have been hot and cold (just like they were). If I stay over, I have his devoted attention and it feels like I'm the only person on this planet. But when we're apart, I hardly hear from him. He has only had 2 serious relationships in his life and had not dated for years before he met me. A mutual friend of ours said he hasn't seen him with anyone for as long as he's known him and that he probably is used to doing what he wants and doesn't have a clue how to be i na relationship.

Just this past week, he brought up me coming on a trip with him and his team to watch him play and this is a few months down the road. I was delighted as I always take this as a good sign. But Friday to last night or this morning, he's had his daughter and I haven't heard from him. I never text him (unless necessary) when he has her out of respect for their time together but he used to at least sneak a call or text in just to say hello.

Should I take this as anything bad or that he has just shifted his attention to completely focus on his daughter? It just makes me feel bad that I became used to one type of behavior and now he's on and off distant and I don't know what to make of it.
No worries on not going back, I tend to write long posts :P

Well, there is joint custody and Mom and Dad verbally work it out so there are no set nights/holidays, etc. that are typically found with sharing custody. Also, per Dad, Mom has been very sporadic and has lousy follow through so there's been much disappointment for the daughter. Because my boyfriend is such a good Dad, the daughter tends to want to be with him more and I get it - how can he say no? Even on Mother's Day, the Mom barely spent time with her daughter which I thought was very odd.

Lastly, there have been a couple of times over the course of her 12 years that she has had an argument with her Mom that has lasted months and therefore lived with Dad 24/7. Arguments and not speaking are normal (ha! I remember the teenage years) but allowing it to go beyond a day or two, and one of the parties being an adult/parent?? So it's apparent she's not consistent in being a Mom which is sad.

I know it's not my place nor will I ever try to be a replacement. I also know my role is more to be a good role model and a friend I guess. So right now it's crucial (at least I think it is) that the daughter sees I *want* to spend time with her and not think she's a burden to be passed off. Do I think my boyfriend could request her to stay with the Mom more? Yeah, but at the same time, I can't blame him for wanting to be in her life at this time. I actually feel for her. I grew up with about as normal a childhood as you can have so I can only imagine how hard it must be to see one parent wanting to spend time with you and the other not seeming to care. So I guess it's why I don't push the issue. It's all so new so I'm waiting to see if anything changes (the balance of both parents having her) once school starts.





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