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I am going crazy. I have this really long sordid story that has basically been making me a basket case for some time now. Sorry its long.

My ex, C, and I were together and very much in love. We never fought, and had a very trusting relationship. I got pregnant with a baby girl and we were ecstatic. We made plans and looked forward to being a family. It was in the works for months that we would follow my mother to Texas after the baby was born and have a new start.

I got a rude awakening. When I was 6 mos pregnant my ex broke up with me, saying he needed time to think and such. I knew it was bs. I had found out the same night he had cheated on me with someone else. A girl who hadn't even graduated high school,who had known I was with him and pregnant with our child. (I am 22 and my ex is 20 btw). The next week he declared he was with her now, and I had to get over it (for all intensive purposes).

He pretty much ignored me the last 3 months of my pregnancy, his new gf feeling "uncomfortable" with us talking or being in the same room. He was with her every single day and night. I cried alot and tried to muddle through as best I could. When our daughter was born, I let him be in the delivery room-- letting him promise me that he meant to be there for our baby..

A week after giving birth, his gf went through his phone and read my txts. Promptly calling me and telling me to "back off her boyfriend". Seriously? I'm busy nursing mine and his kid right now....could you leave me alone about something that stupid...? I was pretty livid. My ex just said she shouldn't have done it, and left it alone.

5 weeks went by with the hell continuing. He was there the first week and then slowly dissapated. He wouldn't come watch the baby at my house for 5 minutes, let alone to help. I kept track of every day when we spoke at my mother's advice. Every day he either was 2 hours late picking up our newborn, 2-4 hours late bringing her home, or just didn't show up at all. Effectively screwing up my breastfeeding plans and I lived on no sleep, since I was alone. I reached my breaking point when for the hundreth time, he brought her home late-- and despite me being physically ill and throwing up-- could offer me no assitance and ran out of the house after dropping our daughter n her carseat on the floor...because his girlfriend was paging him to leave.

I bought a ticket to texas the next day. I told C that I had to up the date because I needed the help. He didn't come say goodbye to our daughter at the airport, as he was with his gf and mad at me...that hurt. I had my mother's help in taking care of my newborn. I tried for a few months to keep in contact with C, sending him pictures and telling him about our daughter. But the constant of me being the only person calling, and never getting replies or him being too busy to care killed me. In the first 3 months he never called once. I also found out that in the week I had moved... he had moved his little girlfriend into the house and room we had prepared for us to live in with the baby... that was a horrible blow.

When he hit the 6 month mark with his gf he got engaged, just this past Christmas. I had to hear it through our friends, as he didn't bother to tell me. I finally lost it with him, and told him under no uncertain terms that if he wanted to be with her that badly-- that he could walk out on me and our kid, but promise to take care of a high schooler the rest of her life (he has yet to buy our baby a diaper or a bottle) -- then he could have her but he needed to stay the hell away from me. And not to worry because I was sure someone else would step up to be a father to our daughter.

He only called twice in Jan-Feb. I didn't pick up. The end of Feb, I broke down n called him when I was freaking out about our baby throwing up sick (new mom nerves I suppose). He jumped a conversation, and he started asking me if I was still mad... how he didn't want our baby to have someone else be her dad...he was trying to change...how he knew I couldn't believe him because we hadn't talked in a few months, but he was trying...he got a job...and said he wasn't partying anymore... blah blah blah...

He called everyday twice a day for about 5 or 6 days. Then once a day for about 2 minutes the last couple of days. He is still with the horrid girlfriend (fiance now), and I caught him lying to me about something as stupid as him "going to dinner with his family". I have been curbing my urge to tell him off and hang up on him the entire time he has been calling me the whole GIANT week he has been calling. And now...what...? He's lying about something that stupid? As if I care about what his plans for the evening are? If he's going to lie about something that little and insignificant, I feel I should be getting ready for another fallout.

What am I doing? Seriously? I want this girlfriend of his out of my life. I'm pretty certain he hasn't been the person I fell in love with for a very long time. My hope on him being the person he used to be has been gone for awhile. And while I want my daughter to know her father if she wants-- I can't live with the stress he brings me. Am I crazy? Is there an obvious answer here that I am missing that will let me keep my pride and not hurt my daughter? And not make me want to beat the living daylights out of my ex, and the homewrecker who ruined it all?

Any advice is appreciated! :confused: Just be gentle! :)





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