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Relationship Health Message Board

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Ok, my bff had this loser bf living with her for several years. All he does is drink, spend her money, and is a total slacker. She finally had enough and kicked him out a year ago, thank goodness. Me, her other friends, and her mom coached her through it, we were there for her, and spent a lot of time and energy supporting her. I thought it was over. But Iíve come to find out that heís basically back, even if not sleeping there every night, he is back. She has been lying to my face this whole time, and knows that I know heís back, yet wonít come clean with me.

To complicate matters, one of my relatives is temporarily renting space in an empty section of bffís home. I never would have allowed this had I known the ex was back!!! :eek: I feel terrible that my relative has to witness and live with such unhealthy and possibly dangerous behavior. I am furious and betrayed. How dare she let my relative move in, someone dear to me, and didnít tell me her ex was back. As if she believes I am so stupid, I would not find out?!?! I have been encouraging my relative to find a new place to live.

Bff has lied to me in the past about various things, and Iíve forgiven and forgotten, but this has gone too far. Iím tired of the deception, and Iím disgusted. After all of the support I gave her, this feels like a slap in the face. Especially since she helped me through my divorce, I guess when the shoeís on the other foot, she canít take her own advice.

I know there are some people who will claim that I should support her in everything, and that who she dates is none of my concern. First of all, I will not support nor condone the exís behavior or their severely dysfunctional relationship. As far as it being none of my business, that is untrue; when sheís with him, she is a different person and drags me into her negativity, therefore it becomes my business.

I am not sure I can watch this train wreck any longer. I donít think I can be friends with her any more. I no longer trust her. She refuses to seek counseling, and itís apparent she will not end the relationship, so I feel I need to do what's best for me.

Should I write her a letter, expressing this to her? Should I wait until my relative has moved out? I donít want to make trouble for him.

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