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Im going to start off by letting you know that this post is going to sound corny, cheesy, lame, silly, stupid, cliche, as well as some sort of stupid thing out of a bad romantic comedy of which all romantic comedies are bad. I will also say I don't know what I'm really looking for out of this post, I know people can only do so much without actually knowing me and seeing my situation first hand. I suppose I just need to vent or something.

I am 23 years old and a Junior at an art school with a year and a half of community college under my belt. So lots of schooling...no degree. In 2007 I moved off to go to school and live on my own (technically with three not very socially skilled roommates in a house off campus), and fortunately and unfortunately I have lived off campus since freshmen year. The good side is im on my own with my own room and other things unrelated to what I'm trying to say here. Bad side is that i have never spent much time on campus and when I do, which because of my major is a lot of time, its spent doing work and not socializing. I am also a shy person and sometimes think of myself as being moderately socially awkward. While I am much better at talking to strangers and approaching them than I was in high school I still don't consider myself a terribly outgoing person.

After graduating high school in 05 I moved out of town with my mom and went to community college. In the two years I lived there I made [U]ZERO[/U] friends and it wasn't for lack of trying, I just couldn't find anyone that seemed to have any interest in being my friend. I would go to work, go to school and go home and I got really really lonely. 2007 I move to the art school and since its a 4 year school I figured I was bound to make friends...didn't happen.


Junior year comes (this year) girlfriend moves away. Old friend suddenly wants to hang out all the time now and my girlfriend under shady circumstances breaks up with me in October and only a couple weeks later is in some relationship with some sort of a-hole. She says she didn't cheat on me and that nothing ever happened when we were together. Despite how much I hate her now and most thoughts of her lead to sadness, depression or anger I still love her more than anything. She even occasionally tries talking to me still and my brother supposedly recently talked to her and he said that she still likes me or something like that. I dont' know, I guess it doesn't matter she lives 6 hours away now.

First semester of junior year (this past aug-dec) is torture. After three years I get fired from my job, my one and only friend probably hated my guts less than a year ago, my girlfriend probably cheated on me, and my car breaks and I can't afford to fix it. And I have one friend. This semester comes and I decide to try and change things, my one friend seems to be genuinely interested in being my friend this time around and we do hang out a lot. But both of us (who now go to the same school) only really have each other as good close friends so we both have been trying to make an effort to go out and meet people and try to find new girlfriends. I've had two girlfriends in my life and they were 4 years apart. For some it may be okay but going 4 years without a girlfriend is very depressing and sad for me. This is where it gets corny.

In the most non-creepy way possible I love women. I'm not freaky or perverted about it, I just find that I get along easier and automatically more comfortable with girls. But thats not to say I purposely seek out women only to talk to either.

This semester has been the most social I have ever been since high school, I've met [U]a lot[/U] of people (and by accident most of them girls) in these past two months however I can't seem to get any of them to actually want to be friends. This is going back a bit but on Halloween I went to a giant party and met about 5 different people that all seemed really cool, of those 5 only one actually kept in contact. After first she would talk to me every day and we would try to hang out but then comes January and this girl for whatever unknown reason suddenly stops talking to me. One day I asked if she wanted to see a movie her exact quote was "yeah that sounds like fun" and then said she would call me when she knew for sure if she could go. Never heard from her again, in a way she blew me off. I think since then she has literally said 4 words to me.

But now any time I try to ask if someone I've met wants to hang out or do this or that I either get an excuse as to why they can't do anything, or no answer. And these are all people that said when I first met them that "well have to hang out soon". I'm tired of these empty promises and stupid excuses. If you really don't want to be my friend tell me so I can stop holding on to false hope. There was one night this month it was my birthday and we had a bunch of people over. Two girls I had met earlier in the year were there and I told them I would take them both to see a movie they really wanted to go to and that I would pay for the ticket, they were both really excited about it and we even talked about it the next day. They said they would call me when they chose a day to go which they said would be really soon. They've never called and the movie came out almost a month ago.

I also seem to fall in love with almost every girl I've met lately and they always seem to be the wrong girls. This isn't an infatuation thing either I dont' think. I mean it I would go to great lengths for these girls, it sounds weird but its how I feel. Like at the beginning of this month by way of mistaken identity I met this really amazing girl on the internet that goes to the same school as me, however we have never actually seen each other in person. I know its the internet and its weird but the first time I talked to this girl just to apologize for mistaking her for someone else we ended up talking for 3 hours and then she invited me to a party with her. Sadly I couldn't go because I have no car still but the fact that a girl i've never met asked me to go with her to a place on the same night I "met" her says something. We seemed to get along really really well. However I haven't heard from her much since and of course haven't seen her around school.

This past Wednesday I met yet another amazing girl, I dont know how to say it but we have so much in common. She is the type of girl I've been hoping for. However she goes to school in NYC and was only home here because of Spring Break. Again another failed attempt at making a friend or getting a girlfriend.

I guess this didn't turn out as cheesy as I thought it might but basically what I'm getting at is why can't I make friends? Why do people keep making empty promises? Why do they say we should be friends and do all these things together but then I end up being the only one putting any effort into being friends? How come when I try to call/text/e-mail/write someone I either get one word responses or no response at all? How is it that everyone else I know has a bajillion people asking them every night if they want to hang out? Why is it that all these people i've met would rather hang out with someone else? Why is it that none of them ever call me? Its been 4-5 months since I last had a girlfriend and it already feels the same as when it was going on for 4 years. I'm like the type of person that needs to be in a relationship but I'm really bad at getting them. Of everyone I've met I feel like I'm just an afterthought in all of their minds. The only one that ever makes any effort in being my friend is the one single friend I have. Even kids i've known since grade school don't call me anymore, not even once a year.

Yes I have one good friend here but I still feel lonely, sad, depressed and forgotten a lot. That birthday of mine, 50-70 people showed up, I met a lot of them. A lot of them have my phone number, and I have theirs. Not a single one of them talks to me still even though I've tried talking with many of them since my birthday. I don't know what to do, I feel like something must be wrong with me. My girlfriend moves away and almost right off the bat shes telling me how all these people are asking her to hang out. I move to a new school and it takes 3 years before anyone even takes notice of me even if it is just for one night.





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