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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


It is not easy to just leave... but in certain situations IT IS the best thing to do in the long run. My parents stayed together for "us" and (most likely) for all the other aforementioned reasons you named above mortgage, assets, and a lot of other stuff at stake. My mother was abusive, both physically and mentally. She would say the most hurtful things. Growing up, if I wanted to go out with my friends, she would always accuse me of horrible things. My dad tried NUMEROUS times to make it work. My mom (being half japanese) told my dad she needed to fly to japan and sort out citizenship since she was a dual citizen. She never bothered to come back to us. Despite that, my dad moved us to Japan so that we could give it one more try

My mom, a stay at home mom, never spent time with us. She was always out at night. She would sleep all day. She would curse at me and tell me how she regretted having me. My brother was only 4 at the time and my dad really did not want my brother to grow up without a mom. Despite all his efforts... it did not work. he suggested counseling, she cussed him out. he followed her and moved us to a DIFFERENT CONTINENT, it still was not good enough... My dad completely lost it when he found out my mom was snorting drugs. Despite that, she did not care. She had the nerve to LEAVE US, tell my little brother she will never see him again no thanks to my dad, etc.

It was a horrible experience. Our lives were so much better without her in the picture. The truth is one person CANNOT save marriage on their own. Why continue to try and pursue it when the other person does not care and does not want to? My dad was so unhappy. He tried to pretend but we could sense his misery.

I do not believe in simply walking out if my marriage going thru a bump... no, i want my kids to have their father and I will do whatever it takes.... but if I am doing all that I can and I am only putting the work... I refuse to live a life of misery. ITS MY LIFE TOO. This is precisely why its important to not be completely dependent (financially, emotionally etc) on your spouse and to also be very selective with your partner.

Marriage is not always going to be happily ever after but you should STILL EXPERIENCE HAPPINESS. YOU WILL HAVE fights and fall outs but you should still be HAPPY OVERALL with you marriage and your partner. you should definitely be able to COMMUNICATE with your partner! Also, you mentioned improving on a relationship... well if your spouse chooses to cheat on you (for example) and continue to disrespect you despite talks/attempts/counselling... how are you supposed to improve on a relationship when there is ONLY ONE PERSON that wants to fix it and make it work??? a relationship requires TWO individuals. If there is only one that is trying to fix it, and the other is selfish, refusing to budge - how exactly are you supposed to? you cannot.

Also, a partner that cheats on you whether is emotional or physical with another woman/numerous women is an abusive relationship. If my husband chose to cheat on me or have an emotional/phone affairs with other women for instance, that would devastate me mentally and emotionally. That will affect my self esteem. And if I ask him to stop and he still chooses to disregard my request anyways, Yes that is abusive. Why should I subject myself to that? Why? Because I have kids? If I have tried it all and given it my best, why should I keep trying and its a losing game? Each person is different but I refuse to be in a relationship/marriage that is not fulfilling. My husband consciously and purposely choosing to disrespect me is something I would not be able to tolerate but there are women who do no find "cheating" a big deal. My grandma certainly did not make a big deal about my grandfather cheating on her, so it also depends on your values. I mean it depends on the individual and the situation. I honestly cannot say I would jsut walk out and leave my husband if I found out he cheated on me... I dont know. having said that if I was in a situation where he had no remorse and he continuously kept doing it disrespecting me... yes I will leave. Why should I stay when its so easy for him to not care about me? Not value my feelings? Value my trust? value my role in this partnership?

a good friend of mine married her highschool sweetheart. they got married... and less than a year, she caught him cheating on her. I did not encourage her to leave. I did encourage her to take some time and evaluate herself, the situation etc. He wanted to make it work... he said he was sorry, he was drunk, an accident blah blah blah. They worked it out and they now have two kids... this is her problem NOW. Her husband works out of town. He works for the railway so she never sees him except when he comes home which is WEEKENDS. Instead of spending time with his wife and kids, HE ALWAYS LEAVES AND GOES TO THE BAR. HE GETS DRUNK AND HE HABITUALLY LIES TO HER ABOUT HIS WHEREABOUTS. What can she do about that? She has talked to him, she has cussed him out, she has cried, she has begged, she has threatened to leave... and he still does it. With two kids, my friend stays at home with them and is dependent on her husband. He knows this and takes advantage of it. He even told her that "she was never going to go anywhere" -- now what? should she just stay to raise the kids on her own while her husband lives a single life? yes he provides but she raises their children by her self. yes he is a good father, when he chooses to spend time with them. He will lie to her in a heartbeat if it means it will give him a better chance to sneak out with his brothers/friends. He even lied to her about not being able to make it back in town until Saturday night that way when he got back FRIDAY NIGHT... he could just go out and not have to deal with her. That is not okay and you cannot fix a marriage or a situation like that. I dont think my friend should run and get a divorce, but it would do her some good to move in with her mom at least temporarily... just get away from her husband. A hiatus, if you prefer and see what happens then

Now it is [B]A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY IF YOU DATE AND MARRY A MAN WHO IS ALREADY LIKE THAT... THINKING THAT YOU CAN CHANGE HIM since yall are married[/B]





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