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[QUOTE=sunnyrise;4220257]Hi Iam,

I can feel your pain and it's perfectly understandable that you are partially in denial right now (hey, that's normal), and a bit confused about your feelings toward your husband and your future.

You have lived in this safe "world" for so many years and then you find out your world has shattered.. It's not your fault that your husband has been cheating on you. If you were having problems in the bedroom (which I don't know if you were), they could have been worked out...

I think you need to go through the pain right now and only you can decide the what kind of outcome you want.. You really have 2 choices, you can either totally forgive him and stay married to him (but perhaps deep down inside you will remain angry and hurt which will affect the marriage) or you can divorce him which sounds really scary right now..

As far as the girl who he's been cheating with, it's not her fault, if it wasn't her, it probably would have been some other girl.. Personally if I knew a man was married, I would never get involved but that's me.

Hang there in and take one day at a time or 1 hour at a time if need be.. You said you have friends so talk to them.. Cry on their shoulders, do what you need to do to vent your hurt and anger..

And we are here for you..


No problem in the bedroom at all. Like I said everything seemed fine. It was when this girl came into our life that everything went to crap. She is the type of person who pursued him too. I know this because before anything ever happened my husband told me he was out with her and one of her babies daddys at the time one night and when her bf went to the bathroom she put her hand on my husbands and said I wish my bf was just like you. You are so much fun and outgoing where he is boring. My husband told me when he came home that it made him uncomfortable so he should have stayed away from her then but with her being such a great customer and referring everyone to him....she stuck around. I know just by the way she is and the conversations we had about other men she was with. That is no excuse for him to go along though....drunk or not. I think it might have been that mid life crisis issue that men tend to go through. He was feeling depressed about his age and his business wasn't going well and I think she made him feel good about himself with her always happy and bubbly attitude. The fact that she pretended to be my friend this whole time just floors me. What kind of person does that? I had intimate conversations with her about our relationship with her...about our sex life .....about our kids.....about how he was such a good man and I trusted him completely. Makes me sick now to think about all this. Our kids are just devasted by this because they thought we had such a wonderful family life...which we did...very close knit family....but now this. My daughter never liked this girl when she first met her at our cabin. She immediately came out to me and said "Mom..who is that girl?" I said it is one of his good customers and a friend we hang out with. She said "I don't like her and I don't trust her. She is flirting way too much with Dad". I said oh they are just friends. Should have listened to her then. My husband has always been a flirt with women. But that's all I thought that was with her although my friends told isn't the same flirting he does with us is so different. Guess I just put blinders on. Well he is taking the polygraph next week. Told him last night if he knows he is going to fail not to waste my money and we can just end it now. He said no that he wants to take it because he knows he will pass. And to answer the question to someone that asked above. No I don't think any cheating is ok...but I can see how someone can make a mistake and regret it afterward. Everybody makes mistakes. But an a year long affair is no mistake and that is what I want to know. 21 years of a marriage is a lot to give up and we have had a wonderful one until now. So I would forgive for a stupid mistake but not an affair so we will see. This girl will never show her face around again. I have a lot of friends and I think she has maybe 2...probably cuz she screws around with all their boyfriends and husbands. I am sure she never wants to run into me or any my friends. I made it very well known the type of person she is and I hope she is very embarrassed and humiliated. But then again...I don't think she even has a conscience. Feel sorry for her kids being brought up by a person like her.

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