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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I have felt for some time that my wife was of the BPD type, pretty much out of the textbook. We have four kids, 2 hers, i ours, one mine, and she has been high-functioning, for the most part. Ten mos ago, she started treating me very critically, cold, often cruel. Over the top--rage and hate-filled eyes. We had been quarrelling a bit over whose needs were being met or not, but nobody threw any threats around. I was trying to slowly work her into the idea that she actually had an issue or two without her killing me and was making progress.
One day, some force slammed into my body, I stopped, and said: 'OMG--she's cheating!' I had all the usual rxns, but after much debate and discussion, decided to try to stay and make it work. I am not typically a caver, but I thought staying was the right thing here, in part because I knew she had such a massive psych disease burden (I work in neuro/psych). SHe copped to a three-mo affair with some dude. That it? Yes. OK--let's move fwd. Yes, let's do.

The next day, that same force slammed into me. You're not telling me everything. Three hours later and she's all, I txtd the old BF for a few wks. OK, for 4, no 5, yrs. All right, we had sex once. Oops, we had sex for three years 2x?mo while you and I were first married. And I went home with a lot of guys I can't even remember. And I have 45 SMS msgs a day to 765 #s and I have no idea what it means. And my hard drive and the phone bills and bnk stmtnts are missing. Blah, bleeh. I'm addicted to it, the rush. I wanna hurt men, i was abused/raped. No, I wannt be held, feel special. No, i wanna be touched. No, I drink too much and get crazy. Did I forget the part about the cocaine? Why yes--pardon while I change this diaper--yes, you did forget the part about the cocaine. Did I just step back to freshman yr in college? Where di d you people stash my wife?

Last nt, I sat nxt to her and she asked if the < edited > or something in her inbox was from me. ????? This morning i find she has unsubscribed to at least two such services, tried to lose the cameras and sftware. Blah. The point here is that she looked my right in the eye and without an apparent care, indeed laughing, like it was just so funny!, denied what she had invested months in at the very least. Her hard drive is a monument to lying and she has been combing through mine and deleting things that could put her in a worse position. Like that is even possible. Sexually explicit SMS msgs to other guys--oh, did I mention I had sex with Olga? I can see that, Olga is gorgeous. But you're straight. She stares into space, pondering that.

So, all that in mind, I need input about this woman's capacity for honest living in the future. Don't laugh, I know some pts do improve. Or so it is said. Clueless here. She has had a secret life in a huge way and it does not seem to bother her except when pressed hard to the pavement. Oddly, she appeared to have massive empathy early on in our relationship and now, I would say, she seems not to know how to experience it--other than for the baby. And of course, when relaxed, she explains it all as a rxn to my failure to meet her needs. Many thanks for any help--we need it. We're dying here.





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