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Re: Visit my dad?
Apr 17, 2010
Thanks for your thoughts.

I don't really expect us to ever have the kind of relationship that I want but I am open to having some kind of a relationship with him. I am just worried that maybe he doesn't want a relationship with me?... I feel like I am getting mixed signals....

I have been checking my email constantly today and I haven't heard from him. He did send my brother a message asking if we were still coming tomorrow. My brother replied that he wasn't sure. I talked to my brother and we decided that we would go so he sent him another message saying that we are coming and with a time. That was hours ago and he hasn't replied. His lack of a reply makes me wonder if he is really hoping that we don't come?.... I would feel much better if he responded with an "ok see you tomorrow" or something to that effect. Am I just being neurotic and reading too much into this? Why didn't he write to me? I was the one that made the plans....

I am still really up in the air about what to do tomorrow. My brother confirmed that we are coming so I feel like I should. My boyfriend pointed out how many times my father has promised to come do something with me and never showed and says that it isn't really a big deal if I do the same. I feel like if I don't go I am slamming the door on him for good. Yet I feel like if I do go that I am somehow imposing on his life. It would be nice to see my grandfather who lives there also. My grandfather is in his late 70's and I don't know how many opportunities I will have to see him before it is too late.... I know ultimately the choice is mine but I don't want to go if he doesn't want me to and I am not really sure where he stands at the moment.

I think I am just going to suck it up and go. I am making an effort and if he rejects it then so be it. I have lived my whole life being rejected by him. One last chance.

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