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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hello. I met a wonderful man 18 months ago, sweet, charming, smart, handsome, and sensitive, very very sensitive. He seemed odd socially to my kids, did not get jokes, stared attimes, flat affect at times and could be very serious. WE loved the same things and developed compatibility sexually, emotionally, personally. He often emailed me long letters about his feelings for me but we spoke on the phone often as well. He pursued me with great speed and said I love you very early. I fell for him as well in time, just after I got to know him better. He took absolute care of me and my three children , he has one. My kids though him to be a bit awkward but loved his sense of control, organization, drive to do things and thoughtfulness. WE moved in together, he wanted marriage after 9 months and I said it was too quick, he seemed to want to seal the deal. almost immedietly after moving in he became anxious, shut down, withdrawn and would sulk at the slightest opinion that disagreed with him. I was dumfounded and thought I was going crazy. He pulled back sexually and that was very new as we had great, frequent sex. He was 50, I am 42, we were friends, soul mates and lovers. He came home on day after being particularly distant after a silly fight and said "I can't do it anymore" and my children and I moved out a month later. He went to stay in another home he owned as we had bought this one together. He assisted financially and moved us and helped us get into a home fifteen minutes away. He woud not see me, it has been two months and will not speak to me, says it would be too hard emotionally and that we need to heal and move forward and maybe we can form a relationship down the road in some form. He emails me onlyif I do him and he is cold emotionless and at times when I say that I am going to say goodbye and cut contact he becomes angry, very subtly.My kids and I are completely devastated as we loved him and after speaking with a therapist she for sure thinks he has Aspergers. He fits all the traits. Can anyone suggest if I should cut contact or continue to offer him reassurance with mynewfound understanding of him? He says he still loves me but we are incompatible because of how we deal with conflict, I resolve and he retreats. I became very angry twice at this and he never tried to understand and said that he could not. Should I try to see if he knows he has it or ask him to consider it or would that jeopardize a reconciliation. i know this is not a picnic to sign up for but I am a mother, a caring and loving woman who loves this man and wants a chanve to try again. He says nothing perosnal at this point and we have had NC for 2 weeks. I would like some guidance, he says he has peace and calm now so I know the home was too chaotic for him but why did he break it off instead of just haveing us seperate our homes and stay together, he was crying and very guilty about it all. thank you..





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