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My sister has been dating this guy, I'll call him Bill to protect him, for almost a year. My family is super close, we grew up with a Navy Dad and so often as we moved from town to town, we were each other's first friends. We had the normal childhood disputes etc, but we always came back together. We've all always chosen boyfriends and girlfriends that got along with our family, we still like to hang out and vacation together.

She started dating Bill last year and initially I thought he was just shy. As time progressed though, I started to think he was just rude. We would speak to him and he wouldn't even respond, he'd look at the floor or just walk away. It was rude to the point of being unsettling. My brother has asperger's so, we were patient, we understand social difficulties, we're actually all a little shy too despite being constantly thrown into new situations.

Long story short the two people he is seem so different. We googled him and found him on a body building site. He's on there with tons of pictures that don't seem to indicate a shy personality. He even explains that at body building shows when he's around people he'd rather not interact with he lowers his head and shoves his hands in his pockets and ignores them, which is exactly what he does with us. He's been graduated from college for five years now but still just teachers private music lessons, no stable job which he says he feels no need for until he's ready for a family according to my sister. I wouldn't know, they've been together a year and the man has still not said A WORD to me. Not hi, not bye, nothing. On this website he flirts openly with other girls, even saying he loves our local college because the girls are "hot with low alcohol tolerance = win!" He called our family dysfunctional, calls himself a misanthrope, goes on and on about how he loves to train others because he likes to see the "fear and defeat" in their eyes. All this completely shut the door on simple shyness in my eyes.

My sister and I have chronically bad judgement with men. We've both been in relationships with red flags and ignored them to our own peril. This is the second time in 3 years she's been ready to marry a man who is less than what she deserves. The last one joked about having a threesome with her and my mom in front of my parents, constantly talked about how hot other women were, just general bad news. He was very cold with her. She asked me if in the future I saw her making the same mistakes to tell her so I have with this relationship. Of course she's very offended and completely blows off all my opinions even though the stuff he's said is online and fully available for anyone to read. She's always said i was her best friend and he will not even talk to me. From my own past bad decisions any guy trying to alienate you from the people closest to you is not anything good.

Any advice for me on him, or her and how to handle things? I want to give good advice kindly but at the same time I do not want him to be my new brother in law. I can't figure him out. She swears he's so super nice to her. And yet my parents are two of the nicest most accepting people on earth, we've always joked that whoever we date is lucky because we so have the opposite of the traditional imposing parents. They welcome everyone with love. And yet they don't want him around anymore either which I would usually think would show her she should be careful but she seems more determined than ever to be with him. I actually asked her if he was worth giving up the closeness she currently has with her family and she said she "doesn't know yet."





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