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[QUOTE=violet999;4246269]

I told my partner that he has to choose. Either stay with us... or go with his mother. But that if he goes, he would be out of our lives for good.

How do I let go... and appreciate who he is now?[/QUOTE]

Well alot of people have viewed this, but no one has attempted your thread, so I'll give it a shot.

You should start by not putting ultimatums on your husband in the future, i.e., that if he does such-and-such, he'll never see his child again, etc. It isn't even an option on a legal standpoint, the court system would determine that. That is a very ineffective way of communicating. Threatening someone is not going to get you what you want, it's actually counterproductive, and will push them away eventually. So, now whenever something comes up, you and your husband need to have a frank discussion and each of you need to put all your cards on the table. Not just that, but tell your husband why you feel the way you do and the reasons for your position. If you tell him the logic behind it, it will help him to better understand, rather than just telling him your emotional feelings.

As for what he did to you, I can definitely understand why you are hurt. Even though he never laid a hand on you, verbal/ emotional mistreatment does far more damage than physical abuse ever could.

Sometimes men who are close to their mothers are put in a difficult place when it comes to feuding between their spouse and their mother. A part of him may have felt a bit more loyalty to her at the time and that's why he "didn't stick up for you and the baby". I'm not excusing his behavior, but maybe he felt obligated to stick by her since she birthed and raised him.

As far as how to let go... in your post, I don't think you mentioned that you had forgiven him. If you have not, you need to in order to move on with your lives together. The longer you hang on to your resentment, the deeper your relationship with him will sink. If you don't forgive him eventually, your marriage will not work in the long run.

Try to focus your mind on who he is now and what he does and says now, not what he said/did in the past. If I recall correctly, he has apologized to you and has told you he is going to be true to you now, not his mother. I know those memories are stored in your mind and you'll never forget them, you can't control that. But you can control what you think about. So, think about what he is saying/doing now. You just have to learn to love him as a whole. I know that you say you love him, but you must love him as a whole.

It's good that your husband is caring for the child and attempting to make things work. Perhaps some counseling is in need for the two of you. I hope that this helps in some way.

Blessings to you.





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