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Hi Simplyd
You could have been describing me in your post. I am exactly like you, to the tee. I am also a caregiver and always feel it is my responsibility to take care of people. The problem is, I have been told, is that we don't take care of ourselves. I have known this man for two years. In the beginning of our relationship he tried everything to try to get me to agree for him to move in with me. He is an alcoholic (his choice of self medication!) and eventually he was telling me I had to let him move in with me so that I could keep my eye on him and make sure he didn't drink. Then he said he would move into my spare bedroom and be a 'house guest'. I know I would never have got him to leave, so I am so glad I resisted this specific manipulation. He gave up on that one eventually becouase he could see I was not going to give in on that one. He feels the need to be with me 24/7,and gets very upset and moody if I am not with him for even a few minutes. I quite like my alone time, so you can imagine how stifling and suffocated I feel. When he drinks he becomes really nasty and abusive. He has only hit me once, but swore when he sobored up that he would not do it again. I also don't know why I stay. He is destroying my life and my sanity. When I try to leave he threatens to commit suicide and I have already once found him with his wrists slit, half dead. on the floor of his apartment. (He doesn't work so he lives in one of my apartments!) I also give him money and food, so he is completely dependent on me. When I write this down it makes me see how completely crazy it sounds to even me with someone like this! I also need help desperately, so if you have any ideas or thoughts for me I would be very grateful
Stay strong we will find our way out of this.
[QUOTE=kaighbee;4260505]Hi Simplyd
You could have been describing me in your post. I am exactly like you, to the tee. I am also a caregiver and always feel it is my responsibility to take care of people. The problem is, I have been told, is that we don't take care of ourselves. I have known this man for two years. In the beginning of our relationship he tried everything to try to get me to agree for him to move in with me. He is an alcoholic (his choice of self medication!) and eventually he was telling me I had to let him move in with me so that I could keep my eye on him and make sure he didn't drink. Then he said he would move into my spare bedroom and be a 'house guest'. I know I would never have got him to leave, so I am so glad I resisted this specific manipulation. He gave up on that one eventually becouase he could see I was not going to give in on that one. He feels the need to be with me 24/7,and gets very upset and moody if I am not with him for even a few minutes. I quite like my alone time, so you can imagine how stifling and suffocated I feel. When he drinks he becomes really nasty and abusive. He has only hit me once, but swore when he sobored up that he would not do it again. I also don't know why I stay. He is destroying my life and my sanity. When I try to leave he threatens to commit suicide and I have already once found him with his wrists slit, half dead. on the floor of his apartment. (He doesn't work so he lives in one of my apartments!) I also give him money and food, so he is completely dependent on me. When I write this down it makes me see how completely crazy it sounds to even me with someone like this! I also need help desperately, so if you have any ideas or thoughts for me I would be very grateful
Stay strong we will find our way out of this.[/QUOTE]

It really is down to the tee. I also bought him tons of stuff and paid for food and what not... and you know, when he gets mad about something, he would randomly call ME a "gold digger"! I'm like.... WHAT?! Haha.. but that's just how he is, you know? He knows how to push my buttons. He will think of the most ridiculous things to upset me.... and trust me, he has quite the imagination.

How are you doing, by the way? Please update me.

Also, a book called "Women Who Love Too Much" along with the book, "Walking on Eggshells" changed my life. The first one is about women like us. The title almost sounds kind of conceited (haha)... but seriously, if you're anything like me... and often put the needs of your significant other, before yourself, this book will speak to you. The second one is about people with Borderline Personality Disorder. In this book, people talk about their relationships with people with BPD.. and those with BPD, talk about their struggle with the disorder. Both books helped me get through it all and I hope that they can help you, too.
[QUOTE=kaighbee;4260505]Hi Simplyd
You could have been describing me in your post. I am exactly like you, to the tee. I am also a caregiver and always feel it is my responsibility to take care of people. The problem is, I have been told, is that we don't take care of ourselves. I have known this man for two years. In the beginning of our relationship he tried everything to try to get me to agree for him to move in with me. He is an alcoholic (his choice of self medication!) and eventually he was telling me I had to let him move in with me so that I could keep my eye on him and make sure he didn't drink. Then he said he would move into my spare bedroom and be a 'house guest'. I know I would never have got him to leave, so I am so glad I resisted this specific manipulation. He gave up on that one eventually becouase he could see I was not going to give in on that one. He feels the need to be with me 24/7,and gets very upset and moody if I am not with him for even a few minutes. I quite like my alone time, so you can imagine how stifling and suffocated I feel. When he drinks he becomes really nasty and abusive. He has only hit me once, but swore when he sobored up that he would not do it again. I also don't know why I stay. He is destroying my life and my sanity. When I try to leave he threatens to commit suicide and I have already once found him with his wrists slit, half dead. on the floor of his apartment. (He doesn't work so he lives in one of my apartments!) I also give him money and food, so he is completely dependent on me. When I write this down it makes me see how completely crazy it sounds to even me with someone like this! I also need help desperately, so if you have any ideas or thoughts for me I would be very grateful
Stay strong we will find our way out of this.[/QUOTE]

and about his suicidal "cries for help," that is no reason for you to stay with him. This is not your responsibility. You need to tell his family what is going on.... or someone who cares about him. He desperately needs to get some serious counseling, and perhaps be admitted to a hospital on suicide watch if you feel like this could happen again.

My ex-boyfriend also choked me once when he was intoxicated. He has also shoved me before and verbally abused me regularly. A boyfriend should make you better and happier... not make you feel like your life and sanity is being destroyed. We both know that you deserve better and that once you leave him, you can get your own life back on track. I'm here to listen.





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