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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=justkeeppraying;4259106]I'd be flabbergasted if she made a 360 turn, but if she did "change", you can't dwell on the past, that'd be counterproductive.
Maybe it's wishful thinking, you can't "redo" anything, and in the past you probably wish you'd handled certain situations differently and probably think if you had, your relationship with her today might be different. Well I kind of buy that and kinda don't, since you both have a hand in the way things turned out. But also those mistakes were 'necessary' in order to learn the lessons that you'll need to know in the future. Those that refuse to learn it will mess up every future relationship. Now if you date a girl in the future with the same mentality and ways of this ex, you'll know to RUN.
I shared my story earlier because odds are if she was going to have a 'lightbulb moment', it would've happened by now. She knows you, has for a long time, she knows what she's getting, but she still isn't acting right. You've taken a backseat to her self-interests. And while a person should put their own needs first, they should not make other people (her ex, her single friends, guys, etc.) a priority over the relationship. Hopefully this ex of yours learns this lesson before she gets married, Oh the poor guy. Good luck.[/QUOTE]

Aww you changed it :( I liked the part about how there could be a (very slight) possibility of a "fresh start" it was hopeful... Not that I should be hopeful or that I had innitiated anything like that as I've just been through telling her that I can't be her friend while she is on her own, maybe or maybe not doing whatever (flirting, dating, blah) with other guys. Just the thought of her with someone else at all (even just kissing) makes me tense up and want to cry... She says that she understands that I "can't be her friend without being her boyfriend" but that she "can't be my girlfriend now." Whatever that means. I always want to take things like that from her hopefully like "now" as in "right now" not "now" as in "anymore" but it probably is best if I don't. I have decided (at least trying REALLY hard to) just let things be (not texting her) and wait for her to make the next move. I told her she "holds all the cards" but she said to take some because she doesn't want them. I have no idea... I just want her to come to a decision! Why can't she just say "I Don't want you anymore" or "I Do want you and only you but I just need some time"? It's the limbo that I am in that is killing me. My heart wants SO badly to wait for her but my brain says that will just end in even greater heartache.

I know this probably doesn't make any sense as it makes very little to me; but at least getting my thoughts, emotions, and ramblings out there for someone to possibly read makes me feel like I'm doing something... :(
[QUOTE=Look2TheHorizon;4260235]Aww you changed it :( I liked the part about how there could be a (very slight) possibility of a "fresh start" it was hopeful... Not that I should be hopeful or that I had innitiated anything like that as I've just been through telling her that I can't be her friend while she is on her own, maybe or maybe not doing whatever (flirting, dating, blah) with other guys. Just the thought of her with someone else at all (even just kissing) makes me tense up and want to cry... She says that she understands that I "can't be her friend without being her boyfriend" but that she "can't be my girlfriend now." Whatever that means. I always want to take things like that from her hopefully like "now" as in "right now" not "now" as in "anymore" but it probably is best if I don't. I have decided (at least trying REALLY hard to) just let things be (not texting her) and wait for her to make the next move. I told her she "holds all the cards" but she said to take some because she doesn't want them. I have no idea... I just want her to come to a decision! Why can't she just say "I Don't want you anymore" or "I Do want you and only you but I just need some time"? It's the limbo that I am in that is killing me. My heart wants SO badly to wait for her but my brain says that will just end in even greater heartache.

I know this probably doesn't make any sense as it makes very little to me; but at least getting my thoughts, emotions, and ramblings out there for someone to possibly read makes me feel like I'm doing something... :([/QUOTE]

Lol, yeah I changed it, sorry :) After I wrote my previous response, I thought about it more and changed my answer because it's very unlikely for your situation. It's one thing to play with a "fresh start" in your mind, and another story to put it into motion in real life. You guys don't spend much time together. She doesn't want to be your girlfriend right now. She wants to hang out with other guys. To start 'anew', you both would have to be willing participants and able to put your entire 'rocky history' behind you. Oftentimes, there's too much damage for them to work, it's difficult for alot of people to 'forgive and forget' everything. The damage is done. Plus, she'd have to agree to it. You guys have broken up before too, so there's a history of other issues going on. The whole fresh start thing just doesn't seem like a likely option.
I wouldn't hold onto the "right now" and "now" that she says. That's very vague. She may not have told you something like "it's over" or "we're done", because she didn't want to be too harsh about it, she probably feels some attachment to you since you guys were together a while, and doesn't want to kick you out of her life completely by blowing you off like that. It seems you're reading into her words too much and trying to fashion them into the meaning you want. Big mistake. That'll only give you false hope.
If she was crazy in love with you, then she wouldn't need 'more time'. How is flirting and hanging out with other guys going to make her realize how much she cares about you and the relationship?! How is kissing other guys going to 'strengthen' her feelings for you?! None of that makes any sense to me.
You really need to let this go. Get your feelings out, like you're doing, then really try to move forward.





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