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Thanks so much :) It's like you all actually know me or something with how you can already predict my actions/emotions. I've been talking to a female friend of mine (apparently only women can understand this situation as all my guy friends think I should just have sex with her and not worry about it) but she has been really helpful as well. I think having a back and forth with someone that can push me to think critically about my situation on a deep level is helping. In a way, thinking about all these things so much recently has made me more upset with my ex and also made me second guess myself. I keep thinking that maybe she really did change these things (after a drawn out argument) and I just never accepted it. I almost wish I could believe, as she says, "that she really doesn't want anyone else" but if that was true then I wouldn't have to tell her I'm not ok with her going to her ex's, letting guys ask her out then apologizing to them, or getting guys numbers. I think she feels she has try to compromise but I haven't seen the good, only remembering the bad in the past. Maybe she really only gets guys numbers who are platonic friends and was more forward, letting everyone know that she had a boyfriend but it didn't happen on its own in the past and she never invited me out with her (afraid I would freak out if a guy hugged or touched her or something) to see how she actually interacted with them now. I guess I need to work on myself, being more understanding, forgiving, trusting, or whatever as well. I can't take back how I have felt and the worries I have had but I can try to worry less and have more faith in people to change and mean it in the future... Even if she did change, not being able to deal with me fearing she would go back to her old ways should be somewhat understandable. If she can't handle that and needs to "be able to do whatever she wants" then maybe she doesn't really care about me (at least enough to have a "grown up" relationship together)... I'm still yearning for her to want to be back together but I also feel better about my thoughts/feelings. It's nice to not feel alone when you are being hurt more than you ever thought possible :)
I'd be flabbergasted if she made a 360 turn, but if she did "change", you can't dwell on the past, that'd be counterproductive.
Maybe it's wishful thinking, you can't "redo" anything, and in the past you probably wish you'd handled certain situations differently and probably think if you had, your relationship with her today might be different. Well I kind of buy that and kinda don't, since you both have a hand in the way things turned out. But also those mistakes were 'necessary' in order to learn the lessons that you'll need to know in the future. Those that refuse to learn it will mess up every future relationship. Now if you date a girl in the future with the same mentality and ways of this ex, you'll know to RUN.
I shared my story earlier because odds are if she was going to have a 'lightbulb moment', it would've happened by now. She knows you, has for a long time, she knows what she's getting, but she still isn't acting right. You've taken a backseat to her self-interests. And while a person should put their own needs first, they should not make other people (her ex, her single friends, guys, etc.) a priority over the relationship. Hopefully this ex of yours learns this lesson before she gets married, Oh the poor guy. Good luck.
[QUOTE=justkeeppraying;4259106]I'd be flabbergasted if she made a 360 turn, but if she did "change", you can't dwell on the past, that'd be counterproductive.
Maybe it's wishful thinking, you can't "redo" anything, and in the past you probably wish you'd handled certain situations differently and probably think if you had, your relationship with her today might be different. Well I kind of buy that and kinda don't, since you both have a hand in the way things turned out. But also those mistakes were 'necessary' in order to learn the lessons that you'll need to know in the future. Those that refuse to learn it will mess up every future relationship. Now if you date a girl in the future with the same mentality and ways of this ex, you'll know to RUN.
I shared my story earlier because odds are if she was going to have a 'lightbulb moment', it would've happened by now. She knows you, has for a long time, she knows what she's getting, but she still isn't acting right. You've taken a backseat to her self-interests. And while a person should put their own needs first, they should not make other people (her ex, her single friends, guys, etc.) a priority over the relationship. Hopefully this ex of yours learns this lesson before she gets married, Oh the poor guy. Good luck.[/QUOTE]

Aww you changed it :( I liked the part about how there could be a (very slight) possibility of a "fresh start" it was hopeful... Not that I should be hopeful or that I had innitiated anything like that as I've just been through telling her that I can't be her friend while she is on her own, maybe or maybe not doing whatever (flirting, dating, blah) with other guys. Just the thought of her with someone else at all (even just kissing) makes me tense up and want to cry... She says that she understands that I "can't be her friend without being her boyfriend" but that she "can't be my girlfriend now." Whatever that means. I always want to take things like that from her hopefully like "now" as in "right now" not "now" as in "anymore" but it probably is best if I don't. I have decided (at least trying REALLY hard to) just let things be (not texting her) and wait for her to make the next move. I told her she "holds all the cards" but she said to take some because she doesn't want them. I have no idea... I just want her to come to a decision! Why can't she just say "I Don't want you anymore" or "I Do want you and only you but I just need some time"? It's the limbo that I am in that is killing me. My heart wants SO badly to wait for her but my brain says that will just end in even greater heartache.

I know this probably doesn't make any sense as it makes very little to me; but at least getting my thoughts, emotions, and ramblings out there for someone to possibly read makes me feel like I'm doing something... :(





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