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Hey everyone.. thank you for all the great replies. Your responses are helping me to see that I'm not being extremely selfish, though I can't help but feel that I am at times.

I do understand the pain and emotional state people fall into after the death of a parent. I lost my father when I was in my early teens and it crushed me. If things between my boyfriend and I were good up until his mother's death, I wouldn't be concerned about his behavior or the way things are going, because I understand. But much of this stuff did start BEFORE his mother passed away. Before her health even started going downhill. I don't think he knew she was going to die either. At that time, she seemed to be doing better than ever, and they were even looking into buying her a place of her own. So I'm torn.

I have tried talking to him on a few occasions. I'm not one to push things on another person, so I generally wait for the right time to bring things up, and I don't bring them up too often. Maybe that's my problem? But either way, when I do talk to him he seems to understand what I'm saying. He does agree with me when I point out that he's often really distant and not spending enough time or putting in enough effort into our relationship. He usually apologizes, tells me that it's all stress related and that he plans on things getting better soon. So at least he is aware of his behavior. But like I said, once the conversation ends, things go right back to the way they were. As if his excuses give him the right to continue acting the way he does. But as I said in my first post, he'll set stuff aside to spend time with his friends any time they call. He puts effort into his friendships.. but I guess not into relationships. Part of me thinks he doesn't love ME, but rather the idea of me. Having me around. Maybe so he feels more normal.. maybe so it looks as though he wants to have a girlfriend and eventually a wife (he has said he wants to get married, and actually talks about that often). I don't know. Sounds strange, but sometimes I really do feel more like a trophy than anything. Set aside on a shelf, left to get dusty.. but worth hanging on to.

I would just love for him to set one day aside for me each week. Nothing more. I would love for him to participate in outings.. even just a drive in the country or going out for a meal. I have asked him to do this for me a few times.. but he never does. Or he'll say "Ok, on Saturday we'll go and do whatever you want us to do!" But come Saturday, he has better things to do. These days when I do BEG him to come along, he seems so upset the whole time and complains about everything. So it's gotten to the point where I no longer even ask him to be a part of my life outside of the home.

He wants to buy a new house and start over somewhere. From what he says, this will help him greatly and things will get better from there. He has put a tremendous effort into getting the house we live in now ready for sale, and it's finally on the market. Part of me wants to wait and see if things really do get better once we move, but part of me kind of knows he probably won't change. And the stress involved in moving and setting up a new home are probably going to make things even worse for a while. I'm also worried about finding a new place of my own before we move.. I know it can be done, but if I do start looking and move out.. that kind of seals the deal for him. He said there's no point in going backwards in a relationship.. and me moving out would mean just that to him.

I wake up some days and find that I've stopped caring. The whole day I'll go about thinking, "Hey.. he doesn't care, why should I?" And when I come home from work I no longer even kiss him hello some days. I think I am falling out of love, and feeling guilty because of what he's going through outside of our relationship right now.





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