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Hello, ok here is my story if anyone can help. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read that so maybe I can understand.

My now ex, we broke up a few weeks ago, may possibly have BPD. We have been together for 2 years but more serious the last year. We have been in a long distance relationship but see eachother every month for a week or two strait. We both have things we need to do, save money etc before moving forward. When we are together, we are happy and things are good although he never says he loves me. Its been on and off again because he is very unsure of being in a relationship right now. He says he needs to "fix" himself and its not me, its him. But everytime we break up, we always work things out and he ends up coming back.

Before we were together he was in a relationship for 6 years (engaged) with a beautiful woman who loved him very much. She eventually ended up cheating on him and found someone else and he blames himself. He told me, he just couldn't love her or show her love. She would want to be affectionate, he wouldn't. When she would leave on business trips he wouldn't even miss her. He said hes a horrible person. He said he totally shut her out completely at the end and would never say he loved her. What makes it odd is HE was the one who had a very hard time moving on from her and says he hates himself and doesn't know what is wrong with him. He doesn't understand why he can't feel the way he knows he should feel inside.

I told him, that I understand, that he just doesn't love me and someday he will find someone he loves. He said that he doesn't know how to feel love. He has a wonderful family (who I have meet many many times, I am very close to his mom) and grew up with a great life. He doesn't even know if he loves his family, friends, and I even asked about his little nephew. He said he just cant feel love or accept it and is scares him very much. He can sometimes be moody and get depressed, I always thought it was from his past relationship (he just found out she got engaged to another man when that is when he broke things off with me) and he said because of his feelings for that it wasn't right for him to have them and be with me. He was rooting for his ex's relationship to fail only so he would know it was her and not him, and now he knows it was all him. He doesnt care she has moved on, hes happy she is, only that he knows it was his fault. He told me whatever feelings he has inside for his family, he has for me also. He told me he doesn't want me to move on, but he has no other choice but to let me go and to believe in fate. If we are meant to be together we will. He doesn't want to hurt me and feels I deserve better who can give me everything I deserve. Of course I am very patient with him and love him and want to help him. I've recently mentioned that he may have BPD.

So, along with all of this and hurting everyday trying to understand, we have decided to stop talking. He says he cant handle ever knowing that I've moved on or to think of me being with anyone else. He is very jealous. He said its so hard because I'm his best friend and he just wishes so much he knew what was wrong with him inside, that he knows I am the best thing for him and that he knows he will regret this. Anytime we have ended things he always comes back and says he misses me very much And hates that he can't feel love or the way he should inside?

Ok, now for this (which is weird I know). I took him off of my online profile (which has caused much jealousy in the past between us both) but he has created a whole new account posing as someone else to talk to me. He asks what I've been doing, how I feel, he gives me advice on my relationship. He made this account when we were together asking me out and of course I always said no, we could talk and be friends but I was happy and faithful to my bf. I play along, which probably isn't right but why would a man go that far for someone he broke up with? I don't understand anything anymore, and I want to stick by his side, for the good times, and bad times right? But something just isn't right with anyone who says they don't know how to love at all. I know he misses and needs me and for now my only choice is to move on. But are these signs he has BPD? I miss him very much, he was my best friend and I told him he means the world to me I'm at a loss. He needs time to think and figure himself out and said it is not about me, his ex, or any other girls, its all about him and he knows that it hard for me to understand, and afraid he will just end up alone for the rest of his life.

I talk to his mom a lot and she said he may just be overwhelmed with everything that has happened in his life recently and to give him time and see. That since we have been together he has made some very positive changes, although she doesn't know about the "love" thing.

I'm just at a loss I want to be there and help him through this. Oh, and he is 36 years old.





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