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Hello everyone,
I'm sorry this is another thread on BPD, but I was hoping someone could give me advice on my specific situation.
Ok so here's the thing:

I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 year now, the first months were great, he adored me and was incredibly sweet. However, after 6 months things started to change: he could get very sad for no clear reason, suddenly get very angry and he started criticising me all the time. This has been going on for more than a year now. Up until now I always assumed it was my fault he reacted that way: my fault he gets angry at me for talking too loud, my fault he gets mad because I ask him 'unnecessary questions that I could have figured out myself' etc.
Today, I turned to the internet looking for help. I then found out about BPD. Most of the symptoms looked very familiar:
He has strong mood changes for no apparent reason
He is very impulsive
He sometimes cuts himself (always my fault he does that because I'm the one making him sad)
He has suffered from anorexia in the past and is still very conscious about his weight
He has low self esteem
Something I only noticed recently is the fact he NEVER comforts me. When I feel down he does not try to cheer me up but instead gets mad because I make HIM feel bad.

It's not that I haven't talked to him about these issues, yet when I ask him why his moods can change so suddenly he says he doesn't know. When I ask him what I should do when he's feeling down again he advices me to stay 'sweet and patient'. I have tried this, but it seems like I can never do any good.
I was wondering whether it is possible he suffers from BPD. If so, should I tell him this or not? Should I encourage him to seek help?

I really hope to find an answer, even though I love him this relationship is breaking me down. Due to the constant criticizing my self esteem has gone down the drain, I have lost all my spontaneity since only a little thing can trigger his anger. He is so strong with words I feel like everything is my fault all the time.
What should I do?
The first 6 months of a relationship are known as the honeymoon period, when people tend to be on their "best behaviour". Once that wears off you see the real person, which is what you are seeing now.

It is not your fault he cuts himself, none of his behaviour is your fault. He's the one in control (or not) of his own actions.

Of course he's going to tell you to stay sweet and patient when he's on a down, he's not likely to tell you to leave him.

This relationship is damaging to you, bringing you down, and it's not going to get any better. Can you see yourself living like this, or worse, for the forseeable future and possibly bringing any children into this situation?





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