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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE]I am at a loss because I know exactly the man he is and watching him morph into this is just heart breaking if I were to try to tell him I think is drinking is a problem he would just deny it and tell me everything is my fault.[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately this is who he is, the whole package, you can't pick out the pieces you like and say this is who he is. The drinking and the anger are also part of who he is.

[QUOTE]I am afraid I have made him this way.[/QUOTE]

This is NOT your fault, he is responsible for what he does, not you.

[QUOTE]I want to marry him we even have kids names picked out... I don't know if I can say goodbye...[/QUOTE]

IF you can't leave for yourself think of the children you want, do you really want to bring them into this situation? Is there any possibility you could move back to your family? At the very least consider moving out until he gets help for his problem.
First I would sit down and calmly (not accusingly) tell him you think he has a drinking problem and that if he is willing to go with you to A.A. meetings and a counselor, you want to try to work through all of the relationship issues.

However, if he is not willing and continues to just blame you for his unhappiness, it is best to calmly break-up and for you to move back home.

I know it's REALLY hard to pack and move and say good-bye to this relationship, but moving back to your parents' house to figure out what you're going to do next is better than being in an angry relationship with someone who refuses to change and is mean to you.

Now, if he IS willing to go to A.A. and counseling with you and you guys can work with a professional together, GREAT. Maybe you can fix the relationship.

If he is not willing, I think that means he's not ready for commitment and is just still too immature to change. It's sad, but there's not much you can do about it.

You didn't make him this way; perhaps the effects of alcohol combined with other issues he has is causing him anger. You don't say what reasons HE is giving for being angry, but I am sure the hurtful things he says to you is not the right response.

If he is unhappy with the relationship, he COULD try talking things out with you maturely, or he could calmly break up with you. But he is not; instead he is being mean, saying cruel things, essentially being abusive to make himself feel better about himself.

This behavior is his fault, not yours.

Talk to your parents about this. If for some reason you can't, call whoever in your family is most supportive and mature. (An aunt? Older sister?) Talk this through with them. Make a new plan. You WILL be able to eventually find a job or go back to school or whatever you decide to do once you are home and in a stable environment.

I wish the best for you.





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