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First of all, I don't think you're seeing him very clearly. Any guy that would call you the B word is not all that great, period.

I don't think there is any real big trick to standing up for yourself. It's a choice you either make or don't make. The fact that you've been diagnosed with PTSD is a big factor, here. I was diagnosed with PTSD as well, and I think going overboard with the people-pleasing is part of it. I used to be really bad with the people-pleasing. I'd be willing to take so much garbage, and then when someone said something that was slightly insulting, even as a joke, I'd take it hard and very personally because on some level I expected people to walk on the same egg shells for me that I walked on for them. But it just doesn't work that way. It's an ongoing process for me, but I've gotten a lot stronger over the years. I may be what some people consider too senstive, but I think life is just too darn short to waste it hanging around someone who doesn't treat you with respect.

The irony here is, being a overboard people pleaser comes from fear and insecurity rather than a sincere desire to be nice and to make others more comfortable, and then you make your fear and insecurity their problem, which drives them away. On that one point your boyfriend is right. You are so terrified of losing him that you let him walk all over you, but what you don't realize is that it IS the letting him walk all over you that WILL eventually drive him away. No one wants to be around a doormat, and no man wants to be with a woman who won't stand up for herself, who breaks down in tears when she tries. Your fear of losing him is exactly what will drive him away.

You simply have to decide that you are worth more than that. That you deserve to calmly, cooly tell someone this is what I need and expect from you, etc etc etc. and when someone calls you the B word, you simply have to decide to choose to not break down in tears, but to see it for what it is, him being a jerk, and tell him "I don't appreciate being called names. I don't find it cute or funny. It's disrespectful and I simply won't tolerate it." Here's the question - do you think he's at all afraid of losing YOU? If he isn't, he's the wrong guy for you. If you can't stand up for yourself and expect a little respect from him without him stomping away in a huff, he's the wrong guy for you. If you have to sacrifice your self respect in order to be with him, if you have to swallow your pride and let him dump all over you to keep him from leaving you, then he's the wrong guy for you.

Have you ever heard the expression "you have to love someone like you're not afraid to lose them?" This is what it means. Love is mutual as well as healthy self respect. It's trust, honesty, kindness, support. Fear, insecurity and co-dependence are not love, they are neuroses. Seems like that's the bulk of what you have with this guy. while you are working on yourself, you need to also consider that perhaps the way he treats you is part of what is making you so scared and insecure.





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