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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=EagleRiverDee;4284985]My opinion right now, after reading your latest posts, is that you KNOW that you need to step back and let her make the next move (if that happens) but you WANT to make excuses for her.

That's a bad precedent to set. If you are willing to make excuses for her on the first date, when she didn't make any real effort with you, you're basically saying that you are willing to settle for that.

Don't. Have more respect for yourself than that. I recommend letting her make the next move, but based on what you said I tend to doubt she will call. You're not listing a single thing that makes me think she was interested in anything but herself.[/QUOTE]

You know what? You hit the nail right on the coffin. I completely agree with you, you are absolutely right. No followup email tommorow, no call, nothing.

I will see if she gets in touch with me and take it from there. I'm not getting my hopes up either. I think if she does, it will be just for business networking.

Frankly I felt I deserved better this afternoon! I'm an absolutely great guy yet she showed no interest what so ever in exploring that! I was shocked! I was very underwhelmed!
She knows that I'm into her, I thought she would show come common courtesy to at least ask something about me. Even when I talked about myself briefly and brought up my work or family etc, she wouldn't ask me anything!

Sadly after the 3hrs we spent together today, all she knows about me is my name, my nationality and my profession! She knows nothing else!

I have to give her the impression that she's "just a girl I met on a night out and had lunch with" and not "a girl I was very interested in getting to know". If I give her the impression that I've moved on and I'm still openly dating and not thinking of her and my mind is focused on work, that she would chase after me if she truly wanted to get to know me.
[QUOTE=sue404;4285177]Maybe I'm old fashioned but women wait for the man to call after the first date. It's pretty standard that if the man doesn't call, he's not interested...people don't expect the woman to call. She may be waiting for your call or email. My feeling is that she is not worth it BUT if you want to pursue this, send an email and tell her if she wants to get together again, "please let me know".

I don't like the fact that she said let's do lunch again. Assuming you paid and she was such lousy company, it seems nervy to make you pay for this again. You are attracted to her but it sounds more physical than anything she has to offer emotionally and intellectually. The physical goes out the window in time. I think you want more than that from a relationship.[/QUOTE]

Good point, and I agree women almost always wait for the guy to call back after the first date. But after yesterday (say she was and still is interested in me) how am I suppose to know that? Cause aside from the hug at the end, she showed me absolutely nothing yesterday, nothing.

If she's the type of girl who has guys chasing after her left and right and wants that from me then I'm not that kind of guy. I will take iniative in making plans and going forward but chasing after girls is just not my thing (reeks desperation and low class to me).

I have a feeling that she just assumes I'm a kid cause I look so young. And perhaps that limited her convo with me yesterday. But assuming that I'm young cause I look it is so wrong.

When we said bye I told her to let me know when she wants to do lunch next. So I wouldn't email her saying that cause it would be redundant.

I normally would say that I would email them to setup the next date but can you really blame me for not?

Just like how I would love to call her just to chat, but I was kinda hoping for a "give me a call sometime" instead of "ill email you whenever"

She actually said "let's do lunch again, its on me". And like I said I don't feel comfortable calling a girl unless she directly tells me to, even though I have their number. Some girls prefer email or txt over phone calls.

If I did email her I'd probably say something like

"thanks for having lunch with me yesterday, I had a great time. Unfortunately I got the impression that you have absolutely no interest in getting to know who this amazing guy is. I could be wrong and if I am, I would love to call you sometime and take it from there."
[QUOTE=Brkenhrt;4285202]
If I did email her I'd probably say something like

"thanks for having lunch with me yesterday, I had a great time. [U]Unfortunately I got the impression that you have absolutely no interest in getting to know who this amazing guy is. [/U] I could be wrong and if I am, I would love to call you sometime and take it from there."[/QUOTE]

If you email her with that you will never hear from her again. It's not only negative but it's like you're trying too hard and your ego is inflated. Its like saying " Hey, you really don't know what your missing, lady!"
Sorry, I'm just trying to be helpful.

But honestly, if she is not interested then so be it. Its not the end of the world, don't take it too seriously!
I am wondering if you have sat down and imagined a long term relationship with this woman. I once had a boyfriend who, when he came to my house the first time, never asked about any of my pictures and very little about me. He turned out to be a self-centered creep.

As far as saying you're an amazing guy, you DON'T have to sell yourself. I agree with River here. That's really desperate behavior. I think you should just email her something short, that you had a nice time and if she'd like to get together again to let you know. That's it. The ball will be in her court and if you never hear from again, you'll know. She's not interested. Believe me, if she is, she will reply. I say write it today, get it over with so you can move on.
[QUOTE=sue404;4285288]I am wondering if you have sat down and imagined a long term relationship with this woman. I once had a boyfriend who, when he came to my house the first time, never asked about any of my pictures and very little about me. He turned out to be a self-centered creep.

As far as saying you're an amazing guy, you DON'T have to sell yourself. I agree with River here. That's really desperate behavior. I think you should just email her something short, that you had a nice time and if she'd like to get together again to let you know. That's it. The ball will be in her court and if you never hear from again, you'll know. She's not interested. Believe me, if she is, she will reply. I say write it today, get it over with so you can move on.[/QUOTE]

True but like I said I already told her that - yesterday when we said bye she gave me the huge, she said we will do lunch again on her sometime....and I told her to let me know when shes free. She said ok.

So sending the email saying the same thing wouldnt make me look like a moron? lol she might think i have short term memory or something. :dizzy: What if I said something like...

"Thanks for joining me for lunch yesterday, I had a great time. I would love to call you sometime."

And I agree there is no point in me saying to her that i feel she has no interest in me cause she might take offense to it if its not the case. And its too soon to tell forsure only after one date. Thats something i could say after perhaps the 2nd or 3rd date.
Ok- I think you are way too hung up on what this girl thinks your age is.

You never indicated that this was a blind date, I have gotten the impression that she at least knew what you looked like prior to going out with you. Her agreeing to the date indicates that she wasn't ruling you out over age. If she cared, she'd figure out a way to ask. So either it doesn't bother her that you have a youthful appearance or she already assumes you are near her age or she's not interested enough in you to care either way. Regardless, it's irrelevant unless she asks.

What is a lot more telling is that she doesn't ask you anything. Re-read your email and your text messages. Where does she ask you anything? She answers your questions, briefly, and then you ask another question or toss out more information about you, but never does she ask for it.

My opinion is that, regardless of what an amazing guy you are, she isn't interested. Consider it her loss. At the very least, wait for her to contact you next time and if she doesn't you've got your answer.
[QUOTE=EagleRiverDee;4286162]Ok- I think you are way too hung up on what this girl thinks your age is.

You never indicated that this was a blind date, I have gotten the impression that she at least knew what you looked like prior to going out with you. Her agreeing to the date indicates that she wasn't ruling you out over age. If she cared, she'd figure out a way to ask. So either it doesn't bother her that you have a youthful appearance or she already assumes you are near her age or she's not interested enough in you to care either way. Regardless, it's irrelevant unless she asks.

What is a lot more telling is that she doesn't ask you anything. Re-read your email and your text messages. Where does she ask you anything? She answers your questions, briefly, and then you ask another question or toss out more information about you, but never does she ask for it.

My opinion is that, regardless of what an amazing guy you are, she isn't interested. Consider it her loss. At the very least, wait for her to contact you next time and if she doesn't you've got your answer.[/QUOTE]

The first date on Monday wasn't a blind date, we met the wed night before at networking event dinner.

But I know what you mean. Her loss. I don't know why I'm so caught up in her looks and hot perfect body!
Be careful-- you do come across as somewhat shallow, saying you wouldn't be interested in someone with the same personality but a less "perfect" body. It's also not the most mature way to view women.
Maybe she was turned-off by your commenting on her looks and thinks you're just another guy wanting her for her looks. (Well, guess what, she was right.)

I would not send a text after 5 days of silence that says "It was nice chatting with you, bye." WHAT? That will tell her that you've been thinking about her for the past 5 days (i.e. desperate) and make you seem like a jerk who stops being friends with someone when he doesn't get his way.

The only three possibilities I'd suggest are 1) not contacting her, and if she doesn't contact you again, let it go 2) throw a small party and invite her, treat is as a casual friendship and see if things can develop 3) ask her out one more time next week before giving up.
[QUOTE=peacefullearth;4286660]Be careful-- you do come across as somewhat shallow, saying you wouldn't be interested in someone with the same personality but a less "perfect" body. It's also not the most mature way to view women.
Maybe she was turned-off by your commenting on her looks and thinks you're just another guy wanting her for her looks. (Well, guess what, she was right.)

I would not send a text after 5 days of silence that says "It was nice chatting with you, bye." WHAT? That will tell her that you've been thinking about her for the past 5 days (i.e. desperate) and make you seem like a jerk who stops being friends with someone when he doesn't get his way.

The only three possibilities I'd suggest are 1) not contacting her, and if she doesn't contact you again, let it go 2) throw a small party and invite her, treat is as a casual friendship and see if things can develop 3) ask her out one more time next week before giving up.[/QUOTE]

Hmm I see where youre coming from. When we first met I did mention that i send out an email to my networking mates every week on update with upcoming networking events and she asked if i could include her as well. So you think i should keep including her in the email that i sent out every week? Im thinking i could substitute this for your surggest party. It will be a casual email, not directly to her.

If I sent out a txt saying "its ok i know youre not interested" does that make me look desperate?
[QUOTE=Brkenhrt;4287122]Simple and few words as possible. Ill be honest but I'm gonna be a bit of a jerk about it.[/QUOTE]

OK...I gotta know. Brkenhrt, why do you want to be a jerk? Do you think that will charm her into liking you more? Some guys get snarky and jerk-ish when a woman has the AUDACITY to not show any interest. Doesn't a woman have the right to not be interested without being made to feel guilty?

If I was out there dating, and a guy showed little to no interest in me, the last thing I would do is be a bit b*tchy to him. My ego is in tack enough for me to just let it go without feeling like the guy dissed me or something.

Why is it so hard to accept that some girl isn't into you? And why are you making her out the be the bad person for not returning your interest?





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