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My husband and I have been married for 10 almost 11 years now. In the beginning of our relationship he was caring, compashionate, selfless and only wanted to spend time with me. He never really had a very high sexual drive and in the beginning I thought maybe I was the odd one. Over the last 5 or so years he has become almost unbearable to live with. My children have even come to terms with his mood swings as though it is normal in anyones lives.

He knew when he met me that I was not a very good housekeeper and that did not seem to be a problem for him, although it has now become a huge deal. If he does not come home to dinner on the table and the house clean (that means the kids cannot even have toys out to play with) then he will give me the cold shoulder and refuse to show me any affection. He works a pretty fluff job, goofing off most of the day. I work 25 hours a week in the resteraunt industry, am going through court proceedings for guardianship of my grandmother, am close to being a full time student (at the senior level of college) and the mother of two. But he feels that I do not do enough for him.

Over the last month or so he has gotten extremely bad. He recently picked up a table and smashed it against the wall while we were having a disagreement. A few days later he called me a B%$#. Later he came back to me on his knees apologizing for calling me that. I came home from work that night with flowers on the table. He went from "I'm a jerk, and I am sorry for calling you that" to I don't know what your problem is, I apologized. Last week he told me that I was crazy and needed prozac. He tells me I am a horrible mother and in the same breath tells me he couldn't do half the things I do.

2 days after the table incident I found where he had been googling sexual toys. That is the other thing. He has went from wanting to be with me a few times a month to needing or wanting it every night. He wants us to buy toys and use them and talks about it all the time. We could have a huge argument and then 20 minutes later he is all over me wanting to fool around. However, as soon as things are finished he is even more mentally abusive to me.

We have almost divorced 3 or 4 times. I honestly think that he has some kind of mood disorder. I truly do love him, but I want the man that I married. I told myself after being mentally abused by my mother that I would never be with someone like this, but I can't dismiss the fact that sometimes there are lengthy periods of time where he is so wonderful to me that I wonder if I have just imagined it all.

I tried to confront him in a loving manner about my concerns. He instantly became enraged and has lashed out at me ever since. He feels and has made many many comments that his sister is bipolar (I think she is too). But the comment that he might be sent him over the edge. He is verbally abusive to me and the kids on a milder level. I am so worried what will happen if he does not seek help, but I am afraid to talk to him about it after the way he reacted last time. His parents would be no help b/c they dislike me very much. His father's family has a history of mental health disorders, and his mother's does also. His father abused his mother physically and mentally when he was growing up and his mother was abused as a child.

Does anyone have any advice on how to aproach him with these concerns, or whether what I have told you matches the signs and symptoms of someone with bipolar disorder?

Oh, and he is usually the worst verbally abusive starting in may and going through to the end of august. We have a good period until right before Christmas (days before) and then back down hill he goes until around February (beginning). That good period again lasts until the beginning of May.
he sounds bi-polar to me, and if not, at the very least, he's controlling, manipulative, arrogant, mean and nasty. I'm sorry for all you're going thru and I hope you can get out of this situation somehow. I guarantee you he's not going to change. He's just pacified you temporarily with his empty promises. If you leave him why can't you take your kids with you? why would they become his punching bags? you pick them up and you take them with you right away from this abusive wouldn't leave them there. I also fear your kids are learning this is normal and they could possibly end up as abusers or in abusive relationships due to this. Please do what you can to get yourself, your kids and your grandmother away from this abusive man.

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