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Hi this is probably a common place here but I am deeply in love with a Borderline Personality Disordered girl. I have been with her for 2 years and we were engaged for the last 6 months until last month when she had a break down.

Everything was fine at first. I knew she had problems since her father had molested her at a young age and she had to endure years of abuse (both physical and mentally due to her skin tone) which seemed to cause her to be very insecure about her appearance, she was also raised religiously Islam which instilled a lot of conflicts in her about her desires and dreams.

Originally things were amazing. She was and still is the most beautiful girl I have ever met and we liked the same things, had the same dreams. It was as if we completed each other. Then about 6 months into our relationship she had began to feel neglected because I worked all the time and was rather tired when I came home. I felt secure enough in our relationship that I didn't mind her staying up and talking to her friends on the computer when I went to sleep. One day the week after Valentine's Day we were being dorks and playing SNES late at night and I just laid back while she played and fell asleep. I remember waking up and her kissing my forehead and telling me to rest and she loved me. So I went back to sleep and when I awoke I found out she had cybered this guy she had liked a long time. Ironically she told me about it as she sat crying about what she'd done. She told me she loved me and she didn't know why she did it. She couldn't explain what came over her, just that something had.

I was crushed, but I loved her and I felt as though my neglect had caused it to happen. So we went one though a bit bitter on my end, mostly towards myself for not being everything she needed and things were great. Until the same guy began contacting her and threatening suicide. He told her he couldn't take life anymore and wanted to kill himself. Then he claimed to had jumped off a roof and fractured his skull.

I hated him, but I knew it wasn't his fault she had an emotional tryst with him that had ended badly and so against my better judgment I talked to him and told her to let him down easily. So she continued to talk to him on the phone and online until things seemed to get better. Then on her birthday I was sick as a dog with a high fever and I tried to be with her, but she kept telling me to rest, that she loved me and wanted me to feel better. So finally I laid down, and while I was asleep.....they did it again. A week later she took a break from me explaining that her religious beliefs which had I admit strained our relationship in the past was causing her to rethink our lives. During the month we were separated she continued her affair with him online and on the phone. Sending him pictures and telling him she loved him, until she missed me and let him down easy.

She came back to me and I was none the wiser to what had happened and all was well for 6 months. That is until he contacted me and told me what had happened and fought for her, to which she told him she loved me. At that point I was broken down and pretty messed up even though she explained that by doing it the way she did he never touched her and that he only got rehashed photo's of her which she regretted sending the moment she sent them. She also told me she was just trying to give him a real relationship and something he could use later to help him in future relationships.

Suffice to say I took it bad and left her on Thanksgiving. For the next month she called me everyday begging and begging and he even cried and apologized saying he never knew what was going on and stayed with me even though the sight of him make me wanna vomit. He later on became my closest friend and tried to get us back together over and over for the entire month. I finally took her back on Christmas Day and got engaged to her on the same day.

Things were fine for the next 6 months, she seemed happy and bubbly and as if life was doing well. Then suddenly and strangely her emotions went wild. As you see I had made a facebook due to her pushing and had gotten a few girls in my area adding me, or sending me messages. My girl had always had all my information so she could look through everything I had to prove that I was never ever cheating on her or talking bad about her. She saw those messages, and she panicked and called me during work in a tantrum. She went as far as to call the girl and get into a massive argument.

After that she lost her emotions and told me to choose whom I wanted. That could have her and no one else. That I'd have to give up all my friends and talk to no one but her. She wanted me to tell them all off in a way they would never speak to me again, and I couldn't do it. I told her it wasn't fair and I loved her, but I couldn't just do that. So she left for a month, and then came back telling me she missed me. I told her I loved her and I would try my best to give her as much attention as I could, but her emotions were insane. Everyday was a coin toss as to apathy, screaming, lovey dovey, or just disappearance. Then one morning she was more than usually loving and I was very happy, until that evening when she snapped and told me she couldn't be with someone she didn't love.

She has since contacted me and told me she can't love anyone else and she loves me, but she cant be with me because she's unstable and she doesn't want to hurt me. That and she thinks it's impossible for us to ever have a normal life.

What can I do she's moved in with her family 800 miles away and intends on spending the next year on a farm hiding from the world. I love her, but I have no control and can't get her into therapy, nor would her religious family believe in such a thing as BPD to begin with.....I don't know what to do.
This is a very complicated story, but honestly this is probably one relationship you should probably part ways with. We all have some BPD tendencies, but going to the extreme is not good and EVERYONE can control their actions, don't ever let someone use BPD as an excuse, it's not an excuse to be mean, or to cheat, or to do anything, you can try to be more understanding but ultimately you have to look out for what's best for you.

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