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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Okay, so I was in a relationship with the nicest guy, ever. We met online through a dating website. I was 18, he was 26. We hit it off right away, we felt like we knew each other for so long, we hung out everyday. It ended up getting rough because he wouldn't commit but he would tell me he was in love with me and screw with my head for 3 months. I would try to get away but he would not leave me alone but would not commit. He broke my heart in those 3 months but eventually he did agree to date me. We're both gay and christian which is why we connected so well.

The first month was fine but I had a deep resentment for what he put me through the first 3 months. So about 3 months in actually 'dating' things were kinda rough because I began drinking heavily to deal with the pain I felt. I've always had trust issues after being the one to discover my dad was cheating on my mom when I was about 13 or 14 and have always felt guilty for not telling my mom herself and letting her find out on her own. I used to cry to him about it cause I always felt responsible.

Some time later I felt something wasn't right, I knew something wasn't right. I could just feel it. It's weird like when you're being cheated on you know it, it's just a gut feeling. So I know what I did was wrong but I didn't know what else to do. I put a key logger on his computer (We were baisically living together by this point). I few days later I came home from class and he was laying on the sofa, I really was not expecting to find anything but bam. He was arranging meetings to meet up with some random guy. I went crazy I lost it and left. He begged me to come back later that night and I did (at this point not knowing he actually had already met this guy). I ended up finding out and I got physical and it got really bad to the point where the police had to come.

The next 5 months were hell. We tried to work it out but I just couldn't let go of what happend. I started drinking daily and became very abusive and the relationship became toxic. I did horrible things to this guy, the unthinkable. We ended up parting ways after awhile and stopped speaking for 3 months. I moved to Vancouver for 6 months to get away from everything. We began speaking after 3 months and we seemed good. He came and visited me and the friendship started fine, amazing actually. He left and I became home sick and went back home.

I've been back for about 2 months and he is now seeing someone else. We speak everyday all day long through text or phone. It's like we're dating again. We fight, we cry, we make up we're doing it all over again.

We both want each other in each others lives, we both want it bad but we don't know how to be normal friends. Also I just don't see why he is dating someone right now while doing this with me. Yes I do still have feelings for him but nothing i have acted on or plan to act on. I just don't know what to do anymore. I love the guy but this is a mess. Is it possible to be friends with an ex? After so much history and hurt?

Is it fair to the guy he's now seeing that hes paying more attention to us then to them?

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