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So about a year ago I formed a pretty good relationship with my boss. Our relationship moved from a professional one to a personal one and before I new it I found myself hanging out at her house on a regular basis. I quickly made friends with her boyfriend and all of their friends, and now I have made my spot in their social circle. The thing is everyone is dramatically older than me, im 20, my boss is 26, her boyfriend is 32, their friends range from 24 and up. This age difference never was much of an issue. If we were going to party or drink it was usually at her place, and no one seemed to put much of a concern on my age. As we all hung out together I and one of her friends began having a thing for each other. One night we ended up making out and things escalated from there. Now about once a week I find myself staying the night over at this girls place, we never have sex, but we usually just make out and cuddle, maybe watch a movie or whatever, and than fall asleep. We have talked about the idea of being a couple, but she is turned away by the idea because there is a four year difference between us. On more than one occasion she has said to me that she wants to stop this and that it is just too weird for her, but within a week or so I get a drunken phone call from her asking for me to come over, and than things are fine again. She genuinely likes me and has told me that if I was her age we would be together. We have a lot of fun together. I am just tired of being her yo-yo, constantly being pushed away and pulled back in. I really do like her, and if she was willing, I would be down to try and make the relationship work. i dont look at the age difference as that much of a big deal, but I still understand the social pressures she must get from friends and what not considering that culturally its expected for the guy to be older.

Should I allow her to keep doing this back and fourth shit until she makes up her mind. Or should I just call it quits next time she pulls another one of these "take a break" stunts and tell her to give me a call once she has made a final decision. Or am I just being a total tool.
Removed comment.
I dont think she is playing you, i think she is confused about her feelings towards the age difference so she keeps going back and forth with it. The problem is youre feelings are being played with back and forth and you shouldnt stand for that. I would talk to her about it if it happens again and just let her now you are not down for the circle of are we or arent we. Dont let yourself get hurt in the long run.
Age has never been a topic of discussion between this group of people, and only became one when this girl and I started becoming something, which was a conversation started by her.

The amount of years needed to be considered a dramatic difference is relative, and the fact that I said age wasn’t a matter of concern for me makes your statement irrelevant.

I can consider the age separation between a 20 and 32 year old to be a big one, but that doesn’t mean I must consider it to be a thing that affects a good relationship.
Sorry to have posted something irrelevant.
you're her boy toy.....
you're allright to call when she's lonely and wants some company, but she doesn't want a public "real" relationship with you.
if that's enough for you, go for it, but if you want a real relationship, I don't think she's open enough to consider it.
When I was 25, I started seeing a guy who was 3-4 years younger than me. The thing was, when it started, I'd had no idea he was younger and I was quite shocked and embarrassed when I found out. It was an issue for me for some reason, but it's hard to pinpoint why. One guess is that it's so culturally ingrained in us that the man should be older. Another reason is that some people don't approve.

His older sister wasn't impressed with my being older at all, and among my friends and family my being the older one was something 'odd' (but not necessarily bad). I also always thought his parents didn't like it either, but maybe it was just me, lol. I think it also has to do with the assumption that the older person is the pursuer or aggressor, and women generally don't like being seen in that way - especially if it's not true.

And here's a good one: for older women, there's that lovely term 'cougar' which is just brutal and I'd hate to be called one of those.

As for that boyfriend, since I'd already fallen for him, when his age came to light I certainly didn't break up with him and I did get over it - totally over it. But it did help that I could say "but I didn't know he was younger when we started!" when it came up.

As for your girl. I have no idea if she will get over it. She may, over time, but I wouldn't put up with the yo-yo aspect of her behaviour in the meantime.

I really have no advice but I wanted to tell it a bit from the older woman's side so you might understand that while it's not logical, the feelings of uneasiness are real and can be an issue. In fact, I'm dealing with it again with a new fellow who is really young but we get along so well, hang out all the time, we're definitely attracted and I genuinely like him a lot, but I feel like an idiot and my girlfriends are all going 'go for it! he's hot, have some fun!' which makes it sound sordid which is [I]exactly[/I] what I don't want! argh! I want it to be real, not sordid. Maybe that's your girl's issue too. I hope I've made some sense here.

(P.S.Me and that other guy, we lasted 2 years and broke up for totally un-age-related reasons.)
If you step back and look at the two of you as a couple, do you fit? If you walked into a room at the same time, would people assume you were a couple or think you were just two people.

When I was in my 20's 3 to 4 years of age difference was not a big deal. So I'm wondering if it's more than that age gap. I don't mean it's necessarily anything "bad", but just something else that would emphasize the age gap.
My niece went after her boss at her first job when she was 21. He's quite a bit older than she is (about 7 years) and he flat out told her she needed to start dressing more like an adult. She did. They ended up married.

If there's nothing easy to change about yourself that might narrow that huge age gap in her mind, then I think the others are right. For some reason she's insecure about it. And if you bring out her insecurities, I doubt she will see you and someone to be permanent with.
If she is using the "age difference" as an excuse then she is probably too immature to handle a relationship and you should probably move on. But I think the real problem here isn't the ages its the fact that she is friends with your boss. Ifl you started a relationship and it didn't work out then who knows what kind of lies she might tell your boss to get your fired? If I were you, I wouldn't want to take that chance. It could all totally blow up in your face.

You need to consider your job because that could be in jeopardy if this thing goes bad.
She might be confused, but don't forget your feelings are important too. If she really cares about you she would at least give you some kind of indication as to what she was thinking of deciding. I am thae same age as you and have been messed about by a guy, it's not fun. I waited hoping he would decided to be with me and he just let me down and made me miserable, using me in the process. Think about yourself too.
Well, one thing to consider is this girl is your boss's friend. I know you are too, but your boss is still your boss. Do you think it's a possibility that if you do start something up with this woman, and it ends badly and she ends up broken hearted, your boss will hold it against you at the workplace?

I think it would be wise to tell this girl that it's obvious she is uncomfortable with this going any farther and you have too much respect for her to dabble with her in such a way, and end it nicely and cleanly, and then stop dipping your nib in the company ink. Stick to people that aren't so closely connected to your boss.
I think considering the "age difference", that "she" is the one acting immature. I would tell her to grow up. Either she's into you and is able to do that in a more complete way, or, she needs to knock it off and go away. Good luck!

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