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Good evening everyone, I posted some time ago regarding trusting my girlfriend about her past. If you are interested in reading that thread, it's located here: http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=750195

As you can see from that thread, I acted pretty ridiculous. As an update, we are doing better. She was very angry at me that I did not trust her and we talked and cleared a lot of things up. As usual (me being a stupid male) I overreacted and it hurt her quite a bit.

Quick background on myself: I'm 27 years old and have had two serious relationships in my life. First was with my high school "sweetheart", we started dating when I was 17 and broke up when I was 24. I cheated on her (didn't sleep with someone else but was not trustworthy, plain and simple). I admitted this to her and we broke up about a year later. This break up was pretty hard on me, and thinking back I feel as though my ex toyed with me and kept me hanging by a string for a while (but that's a story for another day). I was single for about a year and a half and my current girlfriend and I started dating in December of 2008.

Our relationship has been great, but of course we've had our ups and downs. I haven't been the best boyfriend and I've realized that. The love has always been there but I tend to let my anger get the best of me sometimes (I'm Italian, no excuse.. I know). I realize this and have started seeing a therapist for this and my trust issues.

My girlfriend is two years younger then me and an amazing person. I can just tell she is genuine, caring and respects herself. For some reason, I got on this kick of not trusting her about her past (in my last thread). I did some stupid things that really upset her and it's been a bumpy road but we are finally on track to get things right. We just got back from a short two day vacation to St. Augustine that really was great.

Here is where I need advice. Being that I have not been in many relationships or dated, I am not very "seasoned" in this department. I was with my high school girlfriend for 7 years and things didn't work out. I met my current girlfriend and we've been dating for a year and a half now. She has been EXTREMELY honest with me about her past and how many guys she has been with (a total of 6 counting me). She actually brought up the number of partners while we were getting to know eachother on our first couple of days so we both said our number.

Like I said, she's always been very honest with me. She told me that her mother always encouraged her go on dates with guys and that there is nothing wrong with that. Since I never really experienced this I automatically assumed that if you dated someone things got serious and you slept with them. I realize that my frame of thought is completely ridiculous and out of line. Then I start thinking about those who she did get serious with and whenever we do something together (trips, certain hotels, etc) I sometimes wonder if she did this with them. This seems to come from the fact that when I was with my ex, everything was pretty much our "first" together (trips, etc).

My question to those of you who have gone through something similar is: how do you move on past this? This girl is too special to me for me to let this ruin us and I know that if I allow it to keep bothering me it will. This is simply my insecurity due to the fact that I didn't date like most and wasn't in many relationships. I am not looking to go out and "experience this" because I love her and I do feel she is the one for me (and she has said she feels this way as well). I want this to work and REFUSE to let this take me over and ruin us.

I feel that I have definitely made positive steps but occasionally I start thinking about guys she's dated and if she really liked them and all sorts of other things. I know this is childish and I'm embarrassed to even admit it which is why I feel this is the best place for me to talk about it. I trust her and don't feel that she is lying to me in any way I just can't stand when these things come into my head. It's taking an emotional toll on me. In the past, what I would do was question her on these things when they came in my head. This is what almost ruined us. She felt as if I didn't trust her and then distanced herself from me. We've finally started to move towards eachother again so when these things come into my head I just try and push them out.

I don't really know what I'm looking for in this thread other than to have you guys set me straight and tell me how stupid I am and give me some pointers on how to grow up and move past this.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I appreciate anyone who reads this and takes the time to respond. :(
[QUOTE=Ksavage;4298012]debell, glad you are hear looking for help and that you really want this to work.

With that being said....GROW UP and move on with your relationship. She is with you now and has clearly shown that she wants things to work out between the two of you. I think that it would be harder for her to not wonder about your previous 7 year relationship than it is for you to worry about a few X-boyfriends.

You can let this destroy this relationship, and move on to another and it will also destroy that one as well. Unless you are able to find a wonderful girl that has never been on a date before. (good luck with that one)

We all have a past and there is no getting around that. The funny thing is that when you two are together having a good time and you allow these thoughts to enter your mind and then you occasionaly bring it up to her, then you are inviting her old memories to join you along with anger from her.

You need to take a deep breath and take a few steps back. Look at each event with her as a new one for the both of you and make it a fabulous memory for you both.

I can say that I have been married for 14 years and I find myself going somewhere with my husband and remembering going to that same place with an old boyfriend & it makes me smile and more thankful that things did not work out with the "X" and I had a chance to move on and meet my husband. I can promise you if he hounded me about things like that, I would ***** it to no end and would never tollerate that behaviour. WE ALL HAVE A PAST & we also all have a future.

Please try very hard to over come this problem, or you will never find piece and happiness in a partner.

Hang in there & good luck!
K~[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much for your reply. I haven't brought it up anymore to her (several weeks now) and I just want to move on. When we are together, these thoughts don't really come into my mind anymore. I find that they do when we are apart. We haven't spent as much time together (partly because of what's going on and partly because she's been extremely busy with school work as she's pursuing her masters degree).

She's going away next weekend to visit her girlfriend in Tampa. I know they will be going out making it a girls night. She said she is looking forward to a night of dancing with her. She's a lovable girl and I trust her completely. I am close with her family and you can just look at someones family and how they were brought up and just know if they were honest. If anything, it should be the other way around with her not trusting me as I did tell her that I cheated on my ex-girlfriend.

I think this is part of my problem too, I feel that because of what I did with my ex girlfriend that karma is going to come in and hurt me here. Once again though, I refuse to let this eat away at me and THANK YOU for your reply. You made excellent points and I look forward to moving past this.





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