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Now what?
Aug 6, 2010
My boyfriend of 6 years and I broke up on July 24th (see thread Another chance?). I initiated the break up over his anger and told him that we can't talk until he gets help for said anger.

One of my good friend's boyfriends works with my boyfriend. Her and I met for coffee yesterday evening and she told me that my boyfriend has been crying at work. That he walks around with sunglasses on not wanting to talk to anyone. Her boyfriend asked him what was wrong and he told him that we broke up and said that he was fighting back tears. His boss ended up giving him two days off because he was too emotionally distraught to work.

I have been checking his social networking profile religiously. I have the password and I have been reading his inbox messages. 10 days after are split he decides to add an old high school friend that he has/had a big crush on. When him and I first started dating he ran into her and she offered him casual sex at her apartment. He declined. I was really hurt that he added this girl after only 10 days. It felt like he was moving on and was trying to take her up on her offer for sex. He wrote her one message saying "how are you. what have you been up to?"

When I got home from my coffee date with my friend I found that he had sent me an inbox (first one in 2 weeks). He said that he was sorry for contacting me but that he wanted to let me know that he had his first therapy session yesterday. I responded telling him that I was really happy he decided to go and asked him how it went. We ended up sending a few messages back and fourth. I asked him why he added the girl and he said that it didn't mean anything.

He then changed his status to "I wish I could hear your voice". I called him. When he picked up the phone he cried. Told me he missed me so much. We talked for about an hour, mostly about his therapy class. At the end of the conversation I asked him "what do we do now?". He said that maybe it would be for the best if we continued the way things had been going (not talking while he goes to anger management). I agreed as I don't want to fall back into the same patterns. I then asked about "other people" are we going to "see other people" he said I should if I want. I said I don't want and asked about him. He said he was not actively looking to date anyone else but that he was scared to commit to me because he can't handle losing me again. He said that he was upset that I "walked away from him" and that he was afraid I would do it again. We hung up the phone on a bad/confused note. I felt like he did want to see other people and that he didn't want to get back together. He called me back about 5 minutes later. We talked some more and he asked me to come over and sleep beside him. I know that I shouldn't have but I just really wanted to be close to him.

I drove over. We hugged and cried. Went to bed and ended up having sex. He had to leave at 5 this morning for work and he left me in bed, gave me the key and told me to lock the door when/if I leave. He called me around 8am and asked if I would sleep over again tonight and said that he was really happy that we were back together.

What do I do now? I want to be with him. I hate being away from him but I know that we need to make real significant changes in order for this to work out. He is going to anger management/therapy. He said he likes it and that he has found it helpful so far. He is going once a week for a minimum of 12 sessions. I am waitlisted for individual counseling (12 week waiting period) and I feel that we both realize that we need to make changes and are making an effort to do so. However it is still early in his anger management classes. I don't want to go through this again. Should we stay away from each other until he finishes? Would it be such a horrible thing to stay with him while he goes to classes?

I just really want this to work.

Thanks for your thoughts.





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