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Been with boyfriend for three years but can't stop thinking about my ex.?
My current boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We are in our late 20;s, and we live together, and have had our ups and downs. For the most part we get along pretty good. The main problems we have had has been his lack of effort in the relationship as far as ever going anywhere with me, but we have talked about this, and i do admit he is trying harder. The other issue is a money issue. He always tends to make not spending money a bigger priority then anything else. I'm not money stupid, neither of us have debt other than our vehicles loans, so it's not like I am trying to bankrupt the guy. I would just like to see a movie or go to lunch once a month. The only time we do these is if I pay, and he makes alot more money then I do. He doesn't really do much of his share of the housework (or any), but that is something I can deal with if I have to.

We get along good in all other areas. We never argue or bicker. We have fun together, and he makes me laugh all the time. We are attracted to each other, and I do trust him. The first two years were the best two years I've spent with someone. But there is never any talk of further commitment. I'm going to be 29 soon, and am thinking about kids and marriage. I know eventually he wants these too, but it's not something he talks about happening in the near future. (Near I mean the next 2 years or so). He isn't really someone easy to talk about things with.

The ex I used to date for 2 years (not living together), when I was 23-25 years old, was a great guy. We got along really well. He was and still is really close to my family. My dad still interally pines that I will get back with him someday. He let it slip once to me. Not because he doesn't like my current bf, but he just really likes this guy. I ended up being the one that broke up with him because he was ready to settle down, have a wife and kids, and at the age of 25 I was not ready for that at all. He dated one girl since then for a brief period, but it didn't work out. We've always seen each other because we have the same small group of friends. It took probably a year or more for us to be able to be around our friends at the same time without it being completely awkward, but it has gotten better. So we've remained friends, once that awkward part was over. About 8 months after he and I broke up, I started dating the guy I am with now. The main attraction to my current bf was we were on the same level. We were in no rush to settle down, and it took us 1.5 years to move in together, and that's what i needed at the time.

My current bf has always known about my ex and that we aren't enemies, and they get along ok.

So my ex knew when my current boyfriend and I were having problems (that I described in the beginning of this post). He has made it perfectly clear to me that he still loves me, and still wants to marry me, and will never stop feeling this way. It got me thinking, and I have developed feelings for him again. Well I should say they have re-surfaced as I've always had them, but I just put them aside. He is just such a kind person, and deep down inside I've always known he felt this way. With him i know that he will always take care of me (I don't mean that in 50's housewife way, as I always want to have my career), but in all areas, which is a huge question mark with my current boyfriend. I can't stop thinking about him lately. We've started talking a little more then we did, and communication is just so easy with him. We've talked about everything you can imagine.

All we have done is talk, there hasn't been anymore. I love my current bf and don't want to hurt him. The thought of hurting him breaks my heart, as I know he is happy, and he is a really good guy. It's a horrible feeling to think of the day one of us moves out. But at the same time, I still love my ex and everything seems to flow so perfectly with him and it's just getting stronger the more we talk. I just don't know what to do!
Oh boy, this hits close to home. All I can say is stop trying to just ignore the feelings for the ex if he is the one you is ready for the same things you are. The current bf being a very nice guy and loves you and you love him, I understand how hard it is to let go, but if he doesn't see marriage and kids anytime soon after you have already had 3 years together, maybe you should think alittle more about what you NEED.
From personal experience, I have to watch my first love, the man who still has a good chunk of my heart, get married in a week. I broke up with him after 2 years together, at one year I was ready for a ring and year two after some issues I decided I want to see what else was out there and he was ready to give me the ring! We broke up, I ignored alot of the "questions and what if's" for 3 years and finally woke up and realized I still loved him. And looking back it was so obvious. I worried more about his feelings than my current bf at the time by ignoring the current bf to make sure the first love didn't feel uncomfortable while we were all in the same room. I was always worried about and asking him if he was avoiding me, I found excuses to go to places he would be cuz I wanted to see him. But I didn't SEE it then, only 3 years after. And he was engaged, so I had to be happy for him. Then him and the fiance broke up and we had a rekindlement and things looked like we could have another chance. Then he pined over the recent ex and hurt me alot by eventually getting back with her. In the mean time I just ignored him, was mad at him, and avoided confronting him personally. So when they broke up for the final time and I was also single....I didn't know about it. Things could have changed then if I wasnt so stubborn and soon after that he started seeing is now fiance' soon to be wife. And I just can't seem to find a man quite like him. And it's hard to forgive myself for ignoring those feelings. It could have been me at the alter with him had I of just listened to myself sooner.
If you still love the ex, even if you love the current bf, the current isn't ready for "real life" with you yet. I'm 28....I just broke up with someone who loved me very much but also took advantage of me and argued with me alot.....and I'm alone and I feel hopeless to ever being able to fall in love again (hope I'm wrong). Look down deep.....question all your feelings.....don't ignore even the little things you think or feel.....and maybe even just be alone for alittle while before actually making a decision. Ask yourself who would make you happier and who do you feel would always love you no matter what. Time is to short and precious.
Good luck....sorry I rambled but I almost feel like I"m talking to myself because your situation is hauntingly similar.

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