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Hi,
Thank you all for giving me advice on an issue I posted a while ago (february) The issue is between my 13 year old daughter Emily and my boyfriend James. Now the problem is getting worse, though. :(

To briefly recap, Emily and I live with James, we moved into his place a couple years ago. Emily has never really warmed up to James, but she is cordial and polite (says please and thank you) She will hi if he says hi first, but generally she won't initiate conversations with him. I've spoken to her in private and she claims to have nothing against him, no reason that she is telling me. She says everything is fine.

James and I were at a restaurant last week (without Emiliy) and he suddenly tells me he feels disrepected in his own house. He says Emily basically igonores him. That is sort of true, but I don't have a magic wand, and I can't make her suddenly warm up to him. I felt cornered and blamed, as if as her mom I am supposed to "fix" her "attitude". I actually don't see an "attitude".

Yesterday was awful. I think James was completely irrational in what happened. Here is what happened: James and I had plans at 5:30pm to go view a house and so I told Emily I would be an hour later than usual to pick her up from her dad's house and I'd be there about 6:30 or 7:00.
James told me that he would like for us to go watch the sunset on the pier. I said "we will see if the timing works out, because I have to get Emily after we look at the house."
Well, we did not get done viewing the house until 6:45. I called Emily and asked if she wanted to stay at her dad's for another hour or if she wanted me to pick her up, drive her home to our house before James and I went out to the pier. Emily says she wants to come home (as planned). He father was being neglectful as usual, playing video games and she was lonely. Plus she just started 8th grade, and I wanted her to be home, going over homework, etc. I was driving in the car with James and said we need to go get her and he comes unglued...
He complains that we will miss the sunset/full moon rising, (a specific time). I just kept quiet, then he reallyushed my buttons by saying "It seems like whenever I have something planned, Emily needs something"
I totally got upset and snapped at him. I reminded him that I had already made the plan to get Emily.
He just doesn't seem to get it. I am a dedicated mom, and I try my hardest to be a consistant and reasonable parent. Its like James thinks I should put Emily second to his whims and spur of the moment plans. Ironically, He HATES it when the two of us have plans and Emily needs something spur of the moment that gets in the way of our plans. But I'm her mom! He somehow thinks that Emily and I need to be flexible but then he gets bent out of shape when he is expected to be flexible.

I just feel torn and pulled in two directions. I will always do everything in my power to ensure Emily is cared for has my attention. She has been though so much in her 13 years already. Serious health issues as a child, then the divirce of her dad and I, and recently she went through depression. She is smart as a whip and I want to foster her growth and success in life. I will not put her on the back shelf for my boyfriend's ego.

Its like James resents Emily. And I don't know what to do. For the first time in our 3+ year relationship I am begining to have real doubts and have even thought about looking for an appartment for Emily and I. I'm just sad over all of this.

Advice, anyone?:(





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