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So I have posted on this topic before, but a lot has developed over the past couple of months. I know this is really long, but please bare with me, I really would like some advice on this.

So I met this girl at a friends house who has game nights at their house all the time. Over time after going to these game nights this girl and I began flirting, flirting got more serious, and eventually one night we drunkenly ended up making out. From that point we ended up being make out buddies every time we ended up over at our friends house.

Over time we got to know each other and the relationship got deeper than just making out. I ended up sleeping over at her house regularly and we seemed to really like each other. The issue was that even though I was sleeping over at her house all the time she refused to let the relationship escalate sexually because of the age difference we had between us. She is 24 and I am 20. Every time I tried to escalate things she would show the body language that she wanted to do the same, but would than push me away and say she couldnít. She felt like a ďcradle robber.Ē

Time continued to pass and even though the physical part of our relationship never evolved, emotionally it had a lot. We even talked about how we were basically a couple except for the fact that we were not having sex. And even though we officially were not together and could technically see other people both of us expressed no desire too because we took each other seriously.

Even more time passed and because every other part of our relationship was moving very naturally, it was unsettling to me that we were not doing the same physically. I started to doubt how she really felt. I started to think that I was simply something fun for her to do, it appeared obvious because of this age difference that I had no chance of ever being in a serious relationship with her.

One day I was staying the night over at her house and she was e-mailing someone through her phone most of the night. I asked who she was talking to and she told me that one of her clients told her about their son who was over in Africa doing missionary work, and that the son had no one other than family writing to him and asked her if she could start writing to him so someone other than his own family would give him something to do. I too had been to Africa so I thought it was pretty interesting and talked to her about it thinking it was no big deal.

More time passed. I still felt a lack of confidence in her intentions, but the relationship still seemed to gain depth. One morning after sleeping over at her house her phone rang next to me, I recognized the name on the color I.D. and asked her how she new that person, who happened to be one of my neighbors a good 7 years ago. She said that that was the client who wanted her to write to her son. Because I new who this client was she went more in depth about who she was writing too. She said that my neighbor asked her to write to her son because her son is getting older now and she would really like him to find a nice girl to settle down with. Her client wasnít wanting a nice friend to write to her son, she was trying to play match maker.

I got kind of upset about this because what she had told me originally wasnít the whole story. Now it all finally came out. And what I thought was going on between us didnít really seem that important to her after all.

I got really kind of depressed after this and felt kind of undesirable for a while. Its not that I am a insecure person, or have self-esteem issues. I just felt that I had invested a lot into the relationship and was sad when I found out our feelings for each other were not equal.

Later in that week I got a call from my ex-girlfriend who invited me over to watch a movie with her. I didnít have any real feelings for my ex, but it felt good to be wanted by someone. I went over to her house and after the movie we ended up having sex. As soon as we had finished I completely regretted what I had done, because I really still did have feelings for this other girl.

I ended up hanging out with the 24 year old girl again and all seemed to be going well again. She told me she had no intentions of dating the Africa guy, she was just going to see how things went when he got back. Later on I ended up telling her that I had sex with my ex. She ended up getting really upset, and told me she needed to think for a while.

Later she came to me and told me that she didnít feel comfortable seeing me anymore because all she could think about was me with my ex. I explained my self, and how I felt about her uncertainty and she confessed that she really truly did care about me and that she had been loyal and not done anything physical with anyone else the whole time we were together.

The relationship ended with her hurt and me looking like the bad guy.

I ended up telling the story to the board game friend of ours who was the one responsible for us meeting up in the first place. When I told the board game friend how she told me she had stayed loyal to me through out the entire relationship and how I felt bad for being the one to break the honesty my board game friend told me that that was not true at all, and that in fact the girl that I was seeing had in fact slept with other people. The board game friend had witnessed this first hand.

After hearing this I got furious. I knew what I did was wrong, but how cruel of her to absolutely lie to me and put me in this guilt trip when she herself was just as guilty. And to me there was a difference. I did what I did because of the lack attentiveness I was getting from her, she did what she did for other reasons.

I showed up to her house and told her what a horrible person she was for lying to me, and that yes I was wrong for what I did, but at least I was true and honest with her through out the entire relationship. Not only was she just as guilty as I for what I did, but she was also manipulative, and that she was lying. I told her I had no interest in being friends and that in fact I had no interest in even speaking to her again. Through out all of this she just stood there speechless. I got in my car and drove away.

Three days later I got a text from her telling me that she is absolutely sorry and thinks about me all the time and asked if she could talk to me. I had left a shirt at her place so I said I was going to come over to get it and if she wanted to talk than she could.

When I showed up we sat down and I listened to what she had to say. She told me that in almost all the break ups she has ever been through that she has never felt this bad before, and she thinks its because how terrible she was too me, and that its just now that she realizes how much she really does care about me. She said that she wrote me a note and wanted to put in on my car and for two days drove around trying to find it at my work. She said that she had an old voice mail of me and would just listen to it over and over just to hear my voice and that she slept with my shirt every night. She said that she realized how petty she was being for the whole age difference, and she thought that she could find someone older and just mold herself to fit in that relationship, but with me that she realized she could just be herself and that I liked her for exactly who she was that and that she has never experienced that before.

She begged for me to forgive her. She said she wanted to start clean and to be back where we were before. She said if I was willing that she would like to be my girlfriend. She said that her when she is single and her when she is in a committed relationship are two completely different people and that being loyal is not hard for her at all.

Now I have big trust issues when it comes to people who have hurt me. Its pretty hard for me to forgive, and I have big doubts that people change. But she seemed so true to what she was saying and so desperate I said I would forgive her. I told her I wasnít sure about the whole girlfriend thing, but that I would think about it.

The next day I showed up to her house and told her that I was willing to give her a second chance, but I said the most important things in a relationship to me are trust, loyalty and honesty, and that I didnít feel much faith in any of those things coming from her, but that over time if she was true to what she said I would grow to trust her.

But I put one condition. The guy who she was writing to in Africa just got home. She told me that she cares about me and that he is not even a factor anymore. But I told her that this weekend I want her to go hang out with him and establish what kind of relationship she is going to have with him. If by the end of the weekend she still feels as strong for me as she says and that this guy really means nothing to her and we can be together, but that if she has any ounce of her that wants to be with this guy that her and I are not going to happen.

I am really not sure if I have made the right choices. Most of my friends donít think I should have forgiven her at all and the fact that I am putting in the possibility of us being together again is doomed to fail. A few say see seems pretty true to her feeling and that I should.

I really want more opinions on this. I really feel im putting my self out on a limb, and I really donít want to get hurt, but I really do like this girl. Am I completely out of my mind, or should I give this whole thing another shot?

Thanks for reading this whole thingÖ
[QUOTE=Spike42;4321230]So I have posted on this topic before, but a lot has developed over the past couple of months. I know this is really long, but please bare with me, I really would like some advice on this.

So I met this girl at a friends house who has game nights at their house all the time. Over time after going to these game nights this girl and I began flirting, flirting got more serious, and eventually one night we drunkenly ended up making out. From that point we ended up being make out buddies every time we ended up over at our friends house.

Over time we got to know each other and the relationship got deeper than just making out. I ended up sleeping over at her house regularly and we seemed to really like each other. The issue was that even though I was sleeping over at her house all the time she refused to let the relationship escalate sexually because of the age difference we had between us. She is 24 and I am 20. Every time I tried to escalate things she would show the body language that she wanted to do the same, but would than push me away and say she couldnít. She felt like a ďcradle robber.Ē

Time continued to pass and even though the physical part of our relationship never evolved, emotionally it had a lot. We even talked about how we were basically a couple except for the fact that we were not having sex. And even though we officially were not together and could technically see other people both of us expressed no desire too because we took each other seriously.

Even more time passed and because every other part of our relationship was moving very naturally, it was unsettling to me that we were not doing the same physically. I started to doubt how she really felt. I started to think that I was simply something fun for her to do, it appeared obvious because of this age difference that I had no chance of ever being in a serious relationship with her.

One day I was staying the night over at her house and she was e-mailing someone through her phone most of the night. I asked who she was talking to and she told me that one of her clients told her about their son who was over in Africa doing missionary work, and that the son had no one other than family writing to him and asked her if she could start writing to him so someone other than his own family would give him something to do. I too had been to Africa so I thought it was pretty interesting and talked to her about it thinking it was no big deal.

More time passed. I still felt a lack of confidence in her intentions, but the relationship still seemed to gain depth. One morning after sleeping over at her house her phone rang next to me, I recognized the name on the color I.D. and asked her how she new that person, who happened to be one of my neighbors a good 7 years ago. She said that that was the client who wanted her to write to her son. Because I new who this client was she went more in depth about who she was writing too. She said that my neighbor asked her to write to her son because her son is getting older now and she would really like him to find a nice girl to settle down with. Her client wasnít wanting a nice friend to write to her son, she was trying to play match maker.

I got kind of upset about this because what she had told me originally wasnít the whole story. Now it all finally came out. And what I thought was going on between us didnít really seem that important to her after all.

I got really kind of depressed after this and felt kind of undesirable for a while. Its not that I am a insecure person, or have self-esteem issues. I just felt that I had invested a lot into the relationship and was sad when I found out our feelings for each other were not equal.

Later in that week I got a call from my ex-girlfriend who invited me over to watch a movie with her. I didnít have any real feelings for my ex, but it felt good to be wanted by someone. I went over to her house and after the movie we ended up having sex. As soon as we had finished I completely regretted what I had done, because I really still did have feelings for this other girl.

I ended up hanging out with the 24 year old girl again and all seemed to be going well again. She told me she had no intentions of dating the Africa guy, she was just going to see how things went when he got back. Later on I ended up telling her that I had sex with my ex. She ended up getting really upset, and told me she needed to think for a while.

Later she came to me and told me that she didnít feel comfortable seeing me anymore because all she could think about was me with my ex. I explained my self, and how I felt about her uncertainty and she confessed that she really truly did care about me and that she had been loyal and not done anything physical with anyone else the whole time we were together.

The relationship ended with her hurt and me looking like the bad guy.

I ended up telling the story to the board game friend of ours who was the one responsible for us meeting up in the first place. When I told the board game friend how she told me she had stayed loyal to me through out the entire relationship and how I felt bad for being the one to break the honesty my board game friend told me that that was not true at all, and that in fact the girl that I was seeing had in fact slept with other people. The board game friend had witnessed this first hand.

After hearing this I got furious. I knew what I did was wrong, but how cruel of her to absolutely lie to me and put me in this guilt trip when she herself was just as guilty. And to me there was a difference. I did what I did because of the lack attentiveness I was getting from her, she did what she did for other reasons.

I showed up to her house and told her what a horrible person she was for lying to me, and that yes I was wrong for what I did, but at least I was true and honest with her through out the entire relationship. Not only was she just as guilty as I for what I did, but she was also manipulative, and that she was lying. I told her I had no interest in being friends and that in fact I had no interest in even speaking to her again. Through out all of this she just stood there speechless. I got in my car and drove away.

Three days later I got a text from her telling me that she is absolutely sorry and thinks about me all the time and asked if she could talk to me. I had left a shirt at her place so I said I was going to come over to get it and if she wanted to talk than she could.

When I showed up we sat down and I listened to what she had to say. She told me that in almost all the break ups she has ever been through that she has never felt this bad before, and she thinks its because how terrible she was too me, and that its just now that she realizes how much she really does care about me. She said that she wrote me a note and wanted to put in on my car and for two days drove around trying to find it at my work. She said that she had an old voice mail of me and would just listen to it over and over just to hear my voice and that she slept with my shirt every night. She said that she realized how petty she was being for the whole age difference, and she thought that she could find someone older and just mold herself to fit in that relationship, but with me that she realized she could just be herself and that I liked her for exactly who she was that and that she has never experienced that before.

She begged for me to forgive her. She said she wanted to start clean and to be back where we were before. She said if I was willing that she would like to be my girlfriend. She said that her when she is single and her when she is in a committed relationship are two completely different people and that being loyal is not hard for her at all.

Now I have big trust issues when it comes to people who have hurt me. Its pretty hard for me to forgive, and I have big doubts that people change. But she seemed so true to what she was saying and so desperate I said I would forgive her. I told her I wasnít sure about the whole girlfriend thing, but that I would think about it.

The next day I showed up to her house and told her that I was willing to give her a second chance, but I said the most important things in a relationship to me are trust, loyalty and honesty, and that I didnít feel much faith in any of those things coming from her, but that over time if she was true to what she said I would grow to trust her.

But I put one condition. The guy who she was writing to in Africa just got home. She told me that she cares about me and that he is not even a factor anymore. But I told her that this weekend I want her to go hang out with him and establish what kind of relationship she is going to have with him. If by the end of the weekend she still feels as strong for me as she says and that this guy really means nothing to her and we can be together, but that if she has any ounce of her that wants to be with this guy that her and I are not going to happen.

I am really not sure if I have made the right choices. Most of my friends donít think I should have forgiven her at all and the fact that I am putting in the possibility of us being together again is doomed to fail. A few say see seems pretty true to her feeling and that I should.

I really want more opinions on this. I really feel im putting my self out on a limb, and I really donít want to get hurt, but I really do like this girl. Am I completely out of my mind, or should I give this whole thing another shot?

Thanks for reading this whole thingÖ[/QUOTE]





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