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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I have been with my boyfriend for a year after leaving a 9 year relationship. His ex cheated on him 4 times and he is an ex-heroin addict. They did heroin together and kicked it together. They were broken up for 6 months before he started dating me. I promised I would never cheat on him like his ex. He has erectile dysfunction that I didn't understand because I had regular sex with my ex-husband. He said he stopped having sex with his ex a few months before they "officially" broke up. Her cheating didn't start until they stopped having sex. I didn't find this out until after I cheated on him myself. I didn't have sex with this other guy but I kissed him and let him touch me. I didn't like it, but I wanted so much for someone to tell me I was beautiful and that they were turned on by me. I love my boyfriend, want to be with my boyfriend, and don't want to be with anyone else, but he does not like to communicate with me unless he is drunk. Before that happened my self esteem had bottomed out because we weren't having sex and when I tried to talk about it he got defensive and told me to go find someone who would give me what I wanted. Instead of leaving the relationship I hooked up with this other guy, but looking back I felt like I was on auto pilot. I believe that cheating is immoral and managed not to cheat until this relationship. After the whole cheating drama I completely snapped. I felt disembodied and my boyfriend gave me the number of his psychiatrist. I found out I am bipolar and am on meds now. He took me back, but now he is off his depression meds and in a deep depression. He is worried that two depressed people can't live together, but I am working hard to stay busy and cheerful despite his dark mood. I can't help but feel that I am responsible for his depression getting worse even though he tells me he loves me wants me around as long as I want to stay. My fear is that he won't get better with me around, but I want to figure out a way for us to survive this. He said he thought his life was finally "ok" after he got with me up until I cheated. Now he says that he will always doubt our relationship because couples can't stay together after one of them cheats. How can we survive this? I want to so badly.

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