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Hi all, i recently posted a question about how to deal with my beautiful girlfriend, who was tragically raped by her step dad between ages 6 - 12 or so, and how after and during that time developed anger and almost leading her down a path of destruction. How it destroyed the relation ship with her daughters father etc. Btw, the father of her daughter sounds like he must have been a very patient man who understood her emotions and stayed with her for six years before he finally broke up and couldn't take it.

She is very, very, strong. I am shocked by the things she went through, and am amazed she was able to come out strong and be not just normal, but a perfect mum, not too soft or too hard, strict but loving etc. I consider those past happenings to be enough to shatter someone, but not her she is so brave.

I think these things I really admired about her. The trouble is, she is so independant, and used to it being just her and her daughter she doesnt really need a man, and often said she thinks maybe she just fell in love with the idea of having a man, but in reality she likes it being just her and her daughter most of the time.

You see when we first started it was so great, she looked at me like i was a king and I did so many sweet things for her. I used to pick roses for her and put them in her car door handle and i bought her flowers on our monthly anniversaries. One night, I put on the song "Amazed" by lonestar and asked her for a dance. I said "baby this is our song" she melted in my arms and she told me every word of that song was us. I had a key to her house and a keyto her car, and she had a key to my car. When she layed on my chest, looked into my eyes and told me she loved me, I knew she meant it.

But see there was a problem and it was from the start. Considering her horrific past, i would imagine she would have doubts about herself, if she was good enough etc and also to not let anyone get to close as well. She said she felt dominated by her step dad and swore to never let anyone control her again, which is why she must always feel in control, and when she doesn't she doesn't just get scared, she gets petrified. What i am trying to say is she gets very distant, and me, i have a tendacy to get insecure about it. A good friend of hers warned me at the start: "if you get too clingy, you will push her away"

I heeded his advice and it worked. Well at least i did for a while. I found myself longing for her more and grew week to the power of the love that i felt. She started to sence obsession in me and it scared her. she asked for space and i didn't give it to her. I said it is not fair and it hurts me that one day she loves me dearly, and the next she wants to be on her own. I should have left her and she would have been fine, but i dont know how to control the urge to see her all the time and i know i started to get clingy.

So things got worse, i got angry and it pushed her away more. she then started to doubt if she really was as in love as she thought and told me so. She asked for a break and said that she hadn't dealt with her past and was going to get help. I said ok. but then she asked for her keys back that made me angry. She was allowing herself to slip away and i knew she loved me and she didn't really want to. I got so frustrated i through the keys at her and she said thats it we are broken up.

Now breaking up with her had some good effects. I realised that i had started to get obsessive and i was starting to depend on her to be happy which was unhealthy. I realised i didn't need her to be happy but god, i wanted her. She realised the same, she couldn't stop thinking about me even though she said she could move on and didn't need a man. Then she sent me a text she said she needed me to know that she couldn't stop thinking about me and thats gotta stand for something. I said yeah it does. she said she wanted to go back on a break and she needed me to prove that i could be a man and also give her space. I said i could since the alternative was to not have her at all, and i couldn't deal with that either. I asked her if she wanted me to come over tonight or if she wanted space. She said "can i let you know?" I said ok.

She didn't text or call that night so i said ok i am going to bed, trying hard with the "space" thing. I know i cant get clingy again so i told myself she is probably scared of it failing again. But my stupid insecurities were nagging again sayin "she probably regrets saying we have a chance" The next day (yesterday) i left her until about 5 in the evening. then i said i would really like to see you tonight. she didn't sound keen so i rang her and i said we need to spend time to try and rebuild it slowly. She grudgingly agreed to 8 o clock. I did some thinking and thought she is really messin with my head. I went over with more or less an ultimatum. I said "i havent come over here to try and win you back tonight, but i need to talk seriously" then she smelt my perfume which i had delibaratly put on because i knew she liked it. She smiled so beautifully. I Asked her if i could take her back to our first date and i reminded her how we felt and how we looked at each other and how magic it was. Then i asked if i could kiss her. she said yes. I kissed her pasionatly and she kissed back. I then asked how she felt. She said she had missed me and couldn't get me out of her head. she said it felt like ages since we had kissed. She said she had being fighting with herself over her head or her heart but she wanted me so bad. She said she loved me and didn't want to be on a break any more. I asked if i could stay with her (last night) but she still said no. I told her i was bracing myself to let go and she seemed upset by that though. She said i didn't think you would let go that easily? WTF??? She was the one letting go and she was begging me to let HER go. So she didn't want me to give up? So I left last night happy but still confused. Was she regretting saying all that? What do i do know? how do i know how much space to give her? Usually i make the moves she doesn't text much or really like talking on the phone. Do i wait for her to miss me? because i doubt she will tell me she misses me sometimes. I want this to work and i want to give her space. My biggest thing is, how do i bring new magic and flair into the relationship, since all our past magic now feels tainted. She says you cant try and re create the past, so dont try to do it or it will be spoilt. She is really hard to get sometimes. I know i really need to grow some steel balls or something lol, but god help me, i love her. If anyone has got to here, thankyou so much for hearing my concerns I feel good just getting it all out.

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