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Relationship Health Message Board


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I was just doing some research on relationship anxiety when I came across some threads on this site...I simply couldnt believe how some stories seemed similar to mind.. I recently have gone through a breakup that I believe is largely tied into some anxiety my gf deals with and would love ANY feedback.
Brace yourself if reading this its long and i typed it a couple different times so hope it makes sense and im likly including more info than needed for what I want to know...Sorry!

Had a girl I’d emailed with briefly off a dating site from last summer email me out of the blue just after Christmas. We chatted for a few weeks before meeting in Jan and simply hitting it off and being on cloud 9 since. Never a even a slightly raised voice, disagreement, any kind of issue AT ALL. Loved by each others families, just was beyond words.Constant mention of our future,kids, how she hoped I didnt mind but I was stuck w/her..etc.. We hit 6 months late july, went out to dinner at one of her fav places, then to where we had our first date. She ended up not feeling well and cut the night short and finish our stuff next night. So fri id planned on it being a bit special, nothing overboard tho. She txted me saying she was going to get dinner with her friend and since I had to work early next day she'd prolly stay home. I was bummie about it but figured isee her next day.
In the end, i ended up not seeing her at all that w-e, which worried me.
So we met for dinner monday evening where we just had general chitchat for 10 mins before I set into what if anything was up. She said that she just wanted some me time and said that she recently sometimes felt that whenever she was free she felt that I expected us to be together. I agreed slightly saying I just felt if we had free time and something to do we should capitalize on it as I occasionally can have a time sensitive work schedule, but w/planning ahead some, its manageable.
But if she ever had something she wanted to do with her friends I was always fine with it I did note that the previous Friday night deal that bummed me a bit but it was ok. With that and few quick other things aired I thought we were on a ok path. I asked her a couple times if she was happy and everything good with us to which she assured me..
She didnt have her's but I gave her my ann. card and gift(ring) of my name to match one she has of her name, telling her this way im with you. She loved it!! We kissed said our love yous and headed home. later I got a txt of thanks for dinner and talking but she had few more things to she wanted to discuss. Thought uh-oh but said ok, when your ready you know im all ears. Shes been having phone issues so not much back and forth next day. tues night we chatted online for bout 45 mins and she'd had a rough day and was on new anxiety meds(I was aware of the anxiety issues prior but told it was minor & that her sisters and mom all dealt with it. Her sisters had more issues than her/mom. this was the first time with it for us)
She said she was getting panic/anxiety attacks last couple wks whenever @my house (I never knew it…), she just felt like she had no control over anything and heart wasn’t in it right attm but then again she's not herself.. I said everything i could to try and comfort her and explained well you know this is kind of a first little hurdle and we just need to readjust slightly and easily work throught this together and become a stronger us. It ended with us agreeing to meet thrusday evening... I let her be wed. only just sending 1 txt late afternoon to say I hope she had a good day and have fun @ later event.
I suggested a picnic during brief txt thrus and she agreed. I tried to make it as comforting and open as I could. I had a blanket, basket, food,i got 1 red and 1 pink rose and vase.
Txt me in early evening saying she was finally out and could meet but really dreading conversation. she knew what to say, just not how.
me-I attempted to reassure lets just talk and not get ahead of ourselves,
her- she had clothes to get before she left for a wk long vacation that w-e, but didnt want to be awkward.
me- Could i just bring what your certain you need...
her-wasnt sure what she had and what she wanted to take. she understood I had alot to say but it didnt change her feelings and right now she didnt know why(I ended up taking all but just a few things that I didn’t see)

I got to where we were meeting laid the blanket on my tailgate, put out the flowers, tissues, and each of us a drink and some of our fav fruit snacks out(yes we @ 25 we are kids!:) ). I also put out a bunch of post it notes Id put up around my house at different times for her. I also had a card i got that said smile :) and inside said "thats what I do when I think of you" I wrote out how I was here for her and us and help/do anything to get through this.
She arrived about 5 mins after me, already in tears. We just stood there hugging for a few minutes. I kept telling her to not worry and rubbing her back.

After a few we sat down and said lets talk and asked her whats wrong with a just I dont know, I just feel different answer.
I said I wanted to read her some stuff I had put together about us since our tues night chat. It was about 1.5typed pgs. I started w/how I hadnt taken any of the past several days @ all lightly. Taking time to not only my evaluate my feelings but just as much time to try and understand hers. And that she be fully confident and know that im 1000% committed to being here for and together so we come from this a stronger US! I addressed a couple of the other things she mentioned with our tues. night chat. like my recent passive communication. I for whatever reason sometimes just prefer to observe whats going on rather than talk. I explain to her its a horrible flaw and ive been told before how its give off the vibe of being unhappy/angry(which she thought I was) I said im sorry and that I continue to work on it every day. (in our time apart ive been reading up on this to be better)

I said how if the past 6 months are any indication how great we are together, than how could we not be excited to see what lie in our future given some wonderful memories and bonds we’d already connected upon. But that also with the great 6months, did we maybe let ourselves get too comfortable w/our situation and instead of addressing said minor bumps we let it slide hoping they'd correct themselves to keep our clean streak going? Maybe subconsciencly?

In any event I felt none of these issues werent anything that w/a better understanding of communication needed between us we come out stronger us and more in love than ever before. I sensed her really feeling better about us just slightly over the several minutes that I read this and noted some memories and laughed and joked slightly.

We then talked more about her feelings and said its not you, its me(her) and that she just couldnt say what it was. She just kinda felt like she didnt miss me like she should the w-e before when and that being alone didnt bother her and it shouldnt be like that. She wished there was something concrete to work on but isnt. She expressed how amazing, sweet, caring, thoughtful honest, unselfish guy I am ! Then pointing out the work Id gone through just that night to meet, w/flowers,card, drinks, blanket. No boyfriend she’s ever been with has been so understanding, accepting and just fit right in every sense.Yet for whatever reason she just didn’t feel right. I just seemed more like a friend attm.


Talking w/family consensus seems to be that it’s a combination of the following
a.) She’s like the core of her immediate family and anything that goes on seems to go through her. While her sisters are fine(1 older/younger), she is so much more organized, focused and put together. And there are a few things going on w/in them and being like the rock of that family she‘s overload and needs to regroup?
B.) kinda going along w/ #1, but her being use to having to be the caretaker or giver shes not use to be taken care OF and esp. by a S.O?
c.) She’s had 4-5 serious bf in the past w/all but 1(I think) having cheated on her and so that was always how they ended. Perhaps this is where the anxiety attacks were coming from? She’s so use to being hurt that she is scared that somehow what we had cant be possible or shes good enough for? Or to fully let her guard down and love flow for fear of being hurt? I have several txts she sent saying how amazing i was for her, ive filled parts of her heart with love that she thought would always be empty. how supportive i am of her and so on..
I know this last one is somehow a major player in it all...

This actually all took place in very late July... We are still in limited contact attm. My intial instinct/gut feeling that very night and still today is that we will be ok and are meant to be... I told her this almost word for word about a month ago in person when we met for a previously planned activity and she was receptive to it amongst a couple other things that day so :)





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